This is a good thread.
I was just thinking about the specific scene where the Don is casting blame instead of instigating the gang war. I agree that the player was being a jerk. But it just occurred to me (and probably wouldn't have under the time pressure of the game), that the best solution is to shoot the Don.
Seriously, have a follow-up drive-by, hit the don in the arm or something. If that doesn't get him pissed off enough to start the war, keep escalating. And maybe he'd even get the message that he needs to cooperate a little more with the Producer, who after all is running a game with no "combat rules" the player can hide behind. :)