Wahoo!
I have my second commercial role-playing game entirely laid out at this point, in the form of a text-only beta. You can download a copy here:
http://xiombrag.tripod.com/unsung.pdf
If you have trouble reading it on the screen, that's because it's optimized for printing. This is also the reason for some of the black space -- it's set up to be printed double-sided.
I'm interested in comments. If you were interested in playtesting, this is probably your last chance to try the system out and influence its published form. Regardless, I'm interested in comments from gamers and non-gamers alike on the text's readability, accessibility, and layout. Any comment is welcome, tho I'm particularly interested in comments on the layout, and the usefulness of the index.
As a bonus, a character sheet/reference sheet can be found here:
http://xiombrag.tripod.com/uncharacter.pdf
Kirt,
Glad to see it's nearing the publishing stage. I like the font you've chosen and the side-bars too. And the index looks good and usable (I like the bold page numbers). A couple of suggestions on layout though.
- There's actually not enough blank space. Like, the columns are very close together, and there doesn't seem to be much page margin. Makes it pretty dense / cluttered.
- As a case of the above, the headings are really close to the preceding text. Usually it's done the other way around, to associate the headings with what comes after them.
- In general, the headers don't stand out much. Fixing the above will help, but you might also make them more prominent (perhaps with bold, larger size, small-caps or by spacing out the letters a bit).
- It's also a bit hard to tell the different header levels apart. You might want to differentiate those more.
- On at least one bulletted list, the first line of text is indented (for the bullet) but the subsequent lines go out to the left margin. Might want to align those.[/list:u]
Also, about the page number "badges"... are they police badges? I thought Unsung was more (or as much) about military matters somehow. Or are they just place-holders? And is the big Unsung logo also going to appear on the bottom of every page in the final copy? Seems a bit much.
Thanks for the fast feedback!
Re: Columns. Yeah, I was worried about that. I'll see what I can do.
Re: Headings. That should be easy enough to fix.
Re: Bulleted list... Do you have a page number?
QuoteAlso, about the page number "badges"... are they police badges? I thought Unsung was more (or as much) about military matters somehow. Or are they just place-holders? And is the big Unsung logo also going to appear on the bottom of every page in the final copy? Seems a bit much.
They're police badges. Note that all the examples involve a SWAT team. Originally the game was more military-focused, but later I added the cop angle as being equally interesting, and playtest has bourne this out. So the badges are there because the cop angle is the primary example, but as you can see from the Settings chapter, the military stuff is still there.
As far as the logo goes, yes, I plan to have it there on every page in the final version. Really, I don't see it as any different as any other design element that appears on every page, as you might see in FATE or something.
Thanks again for the feedback...
Okay, I increased the white space between margins and tightened up the headers. You can download the modified version at the same location:
http://xiombrag.tripod.com/unsung.pdf
Quote from: xiombargRe: Bulleted list... Do you have a page number?
Sorry, yeah. Page 40, frex.
QuoteRe: Columns. Yeah, I was worried about that. I'll see what I can do.
Hm. Still looks really cramped to me. The gap between the columns is still very small, and the column/sidebar one even smaller. Are you trying to cut down on printing costs? Generally, more white space makes things much easier to read -- and it'll probably be worse on the page than on the screen.
QuoteOriginally the game was more military-focused, but later I added the cop angle as being equally interesting, and playtest has bourne this out. So the badges are there because the cop angle is the primary example, but as you can see from the Settings chapter, the military stuff is still there.
Okay, cool. I just haven't kept up, and didn't read over it much. You do still have a clearly WWII-looking guy in the main logo, right? Just askin'.
You really should have more margin space. Grab a few books from your shelf and compare your layout to those.
QuoteYou really should have more margin space. Grab a few books from your shelf and compare your layout to those.
Actually, I did, and it looked fine to me, but considering you're not alone in this concern it's obvious I'm in the minority. I'll post an update later.
Okay, I got out the ruler and measured the margins on one of my GURPS books, which I was using for a model anyway. The book now has much, much more white space.
This moved things around a bit. I tried to make sure to update the index to match, but if anyone notices and problems, let me know.
Speaking of peoblems, I fixed a couple "page XX" references that y'all missed. You know, you ARE allowed to read the text and comment on the actual prose if you want. ;-D
Anyhoo, the latest version is the same place you downloaded the older stuff:
http://xiombrag.tripod.com/unsung.pdf
I think you'll find it MUCH more readable. I have to admit that while I liked it the way it was, this way still looks very nice to me.
I admit that I am a traditionalist when it comes to fonts. Serif fonts are typically used in the body of a text and sans serif in the headers. The theory goes that there is a "readability" issue, and that serif fonts are easier on the eyes when you're talking about pages and pages of text. I don't know if that's true or not, but it did stand out to me. I immediately thought, "Oh, this is backwards."
Regardless, it does appear to me that the text itself is "bolder" than the headers. If you like the sans serif text/serif headers layout, you might try something like Franklin Gothic Book for the text and Bodoni for the headers.
BTW, all layout issues aside... this is very good!
EDITED: It struck me what didn't work for me with the sans serif font. It seems to "clean" for the gritty material presented here.
You're actually the second person to mention the serif/sans serif thing, so I may end up changing it...