Following on the very useful advice given me in Why Capes Lite isn't helpful (http://www.indie-rpgs.com/viewtopic.php?t=14621) I have tried to assemble a document that's more like a teaching introduction, and less like a reference manual.
If people could take a look at the first draft (http://www.museoffire.com/Games/Development/CapesLiteRedraft.html), and tell me whether it's communicating how to play the game, whether it's helpful or annoying, and generally how it could be better... well, I'd really appreciate that.
On page 2, paragraph 2, I sort of felt like "When the goal resolves" came out of nowhere. At this point in the text, a newbie doesn't know what that means, or when it happens. Maybe a transitional sentence to introduce the concept of resolution, along the lines of, "Goals don't last forever -- eventually they 'resolve', which means..."
EDIT: Also, you might consider introducing Scenes, Pages, and Actions by way of analogy with traditional card game lingo. A Scene is a hand, a Page is a trick, and an Action is a turn. This gives the reader a foothold for understanding the scale of each concept, how they relate to one another, how resource depletion and renewal fit in, and how one might begin to think strategically about the game.
Oooh, I like the card-game analogies. That's a nice way to lower the barrier to getting your mind around the pattern. Thanks!
I thought that read through much easily than Capes Lite.
A run through a simple scene with two or three characters might help, stripped of narration and fluff, juct showing numbers on goals and who's using which action / reaction.
Good work again Tony
Hi Tony,
That really hits the spot for me: the opening spiel makes me want to read on and the rules explanations are much clearer. The step-by-step play guide is looking fine. One of the things this has over the original is that it's so clear and step-by-step that even where things aren't really explained when first mentioned it gives you confidence that they will be later simply because it gives the impression of teaching you.
It good do with an example of play, and a guide reference guide at the end, I think. I expect you'll also want to put a sales pitch for the full game on - although I'm not sure you'll need it.
Good work - even its rough state it's a big improvement.
Cheers,
Jack.
Tony, this looks much easier to use than the original. The only part that struck me as potentially confusing to the reader is section 14, on page 6. Also, on page 3 in the section on creating characters, my first question when reading it would be whether I can cross off three abilities in the same column or not.