My Life with Jesus

[GB Steve]

It was our annual Christmas MLwM game last night and so we went for a Christian theme. The game was played relatively straight, but not completely without gags.

Jesus is a brain/teacher master. Fear was set at 4 and reason 3. The setting is Jerusalem AD33, outsiders are the Jews, the villagers are the believers and the innocents are the Romans and Satan.

The PCs were:
Judas, a disciple, bit of a spiv, lacking in morals perhaps with an uncertain sense of fair play.
SL 2 W 1
MtH: Can perform miracles, except if Jesus is present or is mentioned
LtH: No one belives him unless Satan is around.
Connections: Pontius Pilate, Satan

Mary Magdalene, a reformed prostitute, anxious to please, a can-do kind of girl.
SL 1 W 2
MtH: Information can be divinely revealed to her if she isn't in the temple
LtH: Can never turn down a request for which she is paid, unless from Judas.
Connections: David, a eunuch at Pilate's palace, Peter, a rather naive and enthusiastic disciple.


We open at a super between Jesus and his disciples, bread is broken and shared. Jesus says that he soon will die and gives tasks to all his disciples.

1. Jesus washes Mary's feet for intimacy and asks her to persuade Salome to give Herod St John the Baptist's head, because his time is over. Mary finds Salome on a shopping spree and suggests to her that "Heads are a fashion statement, particularly those with a wild froufrou look". She is however over familiar and her advance fails. (Villainy failed)

2. Jesus asks Judas to fetch an adulteress to the stoning grounds. Realising that Matthew, the tax-collector, is married. Judas goes off to seduce her, aided by his power to turn water into wine, and the fact that Ruth, Matthew's wife, is a discipling widow, he succeeds. Now a broken woman, she follows him to see Jesus. (Villainy succeeded SL+1)

3. Mary goes to see her connection, David, one of the eunuch's at Pontius' palace. She is just getting down to some girly talk when they are interrupted by a centurion and David has to go back to work (Connection tie)

4. Jesus is at the stoning grounds giving a sermon on forgiveness which for some reason includes the line "my gaff, my rules". Judas is given the task of stopping anyone from throwing stones and breaks Josiah's nose when he tries to heft something at Ruth. As Jesus says "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone", a single rock is chucked. "Mother!", complains Jesus. (Violence succeeded SL+1 ->Horror Revealed)

5. As the centurion stomps off, Mary bitches to David "Ooh! Get her!" David is amused and the connection is made. They plan a rendezvous later at the Pink Pharisee, a bar downtown. (Connection succeeded Love +1)

6. The Horror Revealed: Judas got the bread for the last supper on the cheap. It was a bit mouldy but he thought he scrapped all the green off. Unfortunately some of the disciples ate some ergot and now, in a drag fuelled frenzy are rampaging through the town. They mistake all small creatures for devils and mercilessly slaughter goats, dogs and children alike. This does not go down well with the Jews, the Pharisees or Pontius who just wants a quiet life.

7. Jesus asks Mary to give a sleeping draught to Lazarus who has been bad-mouthing him. He must appear dead and be buried. She must also stay in the tomb and wake him after three days. Jesus gives her some money and she complains that it costs more if she stays over night. A disguised Mary approaches Lazarus' wife by pretending to sell perfumes door to door. The wife doesn't see the point of perfume as her husband is past bothering her. Mary however, who is adept at waking the dead, sells her the sleeping draught as something to put lead in his pencil. (Villainy succeeded, SL+1)

8. Ruth is too ashamed to return home, and with Matthew baying for his blood, Judas sets her up with an off licence. He uses his powers to create wine for her to sell. (Connection succeeded Love +1)

9. Mary is locked in the tomb with the sleeping Lazarus. Desperate to escape she hits him until he wakes, just in time for Jesus to perform his miracle (Violence succeeded, SL+1)

10. Judas goes out into the desert to talk to Satan. Satan seems quite reasonable, he didn't ask to be the bad guy in all this. Judas offers to find out what Jesus likes so that Satan can tempt him with is (Connection succeeded, Love +1)

11. Mary meets up with David in the Pink Pharisee. She's apologetic about being three days late but she was shut in a tomb. With her profits from the sale of the draught she buys a round and all is soon forgiven (Connection succeeded, Love +1)

12. Judas goes to see Jesus and tempts him with some Turkish delight. Jesus asks Judas to drive some swine over a cliff, timed to coincide with his talk on demons. Judas is none too happy to deal with unclean animals but Jesus rebuffs him. Nothing is unclean under the new rules. Judas finds a Gadarene swineherd and swaps the pigs for some magic fish (which seem to miraculously multiple whilst Judas is around). Using his miracle power, Judas casts out demons from lunatics by the city gates and sends them into the pigs who duly rush over the cliff (Villainy succeeded, SL+1)

13. It's the wedding at Cana. Jesus has been invited to so a speech and wants to perform a miracle. Mary is only too happy to help out and persuades Thomas the Cooper to make barrels partitioned to be half wine and half water. She doesn't have enough to pay but promises that Jesus will settle the account, "He might be poor, but that's because he spends all his money." (Villainy succeeded, SL+1)

14. Judas once again goes to see Satan with some water and they both have a whinge about Jesus. Whilst Jesus promises some pie in the sky deal, it seems that Satan really can grant dominion over the earth to anyone. Judas tells Satan about the Turkish delight (Connection succeeded, Love +1)

More later.

[GB Steve]

15. Jesus wants to walk on water so he asks Mary to arrange some stepping stones. She gets David to raid Pontius' ice-house. Judas rows Jesus out into the lake with Mary who drops the ice overboard as they go. Jesus then walks across the stepping stones and back to the shore.(Villainy succeeded SL+1)

16. Jesus wants to throw the moneylenders out of the temple. The problem is that with Easter approaching there aren't any in there. So he asks Judas to arrange this. He's at a bit of a loss as to how to achieve this but when Judas rows back to the shore he is attacked by Matthew and his toughs. Judas attempts to run down to shore to escape but slips on some ice (Villainy tied)

17. Mary goes to see David and takes him a small present to thank him for getting the ice. She tells him what it was for and David is worried about false miracles. Mary counters that he should know all about glamour (Connection succeeded Love +1)

18. Judas asks Mary to help him with the moneylenders. What follows is a scene straight out of a Carry On film. Mary has Judas dress up as a Jewish Matron. They buy a cake in the market and visit the Jewish Women's Institute. By dint of letting Mary do all the talking, because nobody would believe Judas, they arrange for a bring and buy sale to be held in the temple. Mary claims to have written to the JWI ("didn't you get my scroll?") having seen the idea in Rome 'n' Gardens. This is good enough for Jesus and he chucks the poor women out (Villainy succeeded, SL+1)

19. Mary goes to visit Peter. Peter explains about how he has the key to heaven ("One halo each, door on the left) and Mary seems to learn from his simple faith (Connection succeeded Love+1)

20. It's See the People day at the Palace so Judas goes to see Pontius. He takes him a pope-on-a-rope soap and does his best to explain about Jesus fermenting revolt but no one believes. Pontius does think he's a jolly nice chap though (Connection succeeded Love+1)

21. Jesus is a bit worried that Judas might be up to something and sends Mary to denounce him in front of the people. She goes down to his wine shop and starts bad mouthing the booze. There's nothing that Judas can say to convince them but the wine speaks for itself (Villainy failed)

22. Jesus then asks Judas to denounce him to Pontius. Judas tries to resist, saying he already tried but Jesus is not listening. So Judas goes to see Satan and enlists his help. They both want Jesus out of the picture. Satan invisibly attends court and this time Pontius listens to Judas (Villainy succeeded SL+1)

23. Mary goes to see David. He's upset because the Centurion is taking him for granted, talking to some woman whilst David is busy pleasuring the Centurion. Mary cheers him up as best she can and they have a good bitch (Connection succeeded Love +1)

24. Now that Judas is in with Pontius he can see that the governor is worried about developments so he gives Pontius a neck rub and promises to take care of things with Jesus (Connection succeeded Love+1)

25. Mary has a bit too much to drink with David but runs into Peter on her way to see Jesus at the carpentry shop. She seems rather confused about matters of dogma but Peter straightens her out (Connection succeeded Love+1)

26. Judas goes back to see Jesus who orders him to make a gibbet and hang himself, and to kill all the witnesses. Judas refuses. (Order failed -> End game)

27. They tussle in the Carpentry shop. Jesus has been working on a coat stand for someone called 'ENRI. Judas grabs this and as Mary holds Jesus' arms, they nail him down. Just then Romans burst in a drag Jesus off up some hill where they erect the coat stand with Jesus nailed to it.
Mary is sorry to see him go and becomes a true believer (a villager). Judas is not terribly remorseful but has no friends left except Satan. He promises him a good position in Hell, but he'll have to be renounce Heaven so he hangs himself.

In all it took about 3 hours to play. The endgame was rushed because it was getting late but generally the game went very well with no dysfunction or any issues. However the GM did have this to say abou the game:

Not dysfunctional? Hah! I could see you were itching for experience points, you intimidated the female player, hitting on her at one point, and had problems separating "Steve" from "Judas". Choosing "I can do miracles" is very deprotaganizing for the other players, and you insisted on at least half of the GM's attention. Don't think I didn't notice.

In my defence I would say that the other player was my wife.

[Justin A Hamilton]

I think that this is absolutely wonderful.  The amount of variety that I have seen in actual play speaks bounds of the game's genius.

[GB Steve]

I've got the flu at the moment and am a bit feverish at the moment. Last night I had a dream in which I was a minion of an evil master trying to throw of his control. It was My Life with Daleks, very strange.

[Graham W]

I've got the flu at the moment and am a bit feverish at the moment. Last night I had a dream in which I was a minion of an evil master trying to throw of his control. It was My Life with Daleks, very strange.

More than Human: Can catch anyone, unless they run up stairs.

The Jesus game sounds superb, by the way. Did you plan the Biblical references in advance - say, the "INRI" on the cross - or did they just occur naturally during play?

Graham

[GB Steve]

More than Human: Can catch anyone, unless they run up stairs.

The Jesus game sounds superb, by the way. Did you plan the Biblical references in advance - say, the "INRI" on the cross - or did they just occur naturally during play?

Some of the biblical references occured naturally, such as INRI but others were planned by our nameless GM such as the well-known "Mother" gag. This last one barely raised a groan but the former one went down better, as did the whole "froufrou head" episode.

It got quite visual too. When I was tricking the Gadarene out of his herd in 12., I wash doing this whole multiplying fish routine with my hands and Paula and I did a double act in 18 where I kept accidentally talking and almost giving the game away. I was a hoot.