Raven's Bluff Branch, Suggestions Wanted

[coffeestain]

Hello.  I'm working on a town that's pretty low-key (no sorcerers, etc) and I'm just not sure it has the punch I'd like it to have.  It feels a little flat.  Here's what I've got:

Pride
Sr. Lavina doesn't feel she should have to work around the house any more.  Steward Abraham's wife hardly lifts a finger in his house and she hasn't borne four children!

Injustice
Lavina's eldest daughter, Sr. Miriam, is betrothed to Br. David, a carpenter, but she's only allowed to leave the house and see him behind her mother's back because the rest of the time, Lavina's got her doing all manner of chores and caring for her siblings.

Sin
Miriam begins lying to her mother, making up stories about why she has to leave the house for errands or to pick up packages or supplies for dinner.   David's father Jacob, the local TA Lawman lets the young couple use his place for their meetings.

Demonic Attacks
The demons stretch Miriam's web of lies to breaking, leaving clues to her whereabouts for Lavina to find.  When she discovers the truth, she beats Lavina black and blue with a rake handle.  When David comes calling to teach Lavina "a thing or two about beating people", her husband, Elias, shoots him in the gut.

Who's Who/What do they want from the Dogs?

• Sr. Lavina wants the Dogs to make her daughter stay with her and help maintain the household.
• Br. Elias wants them to protect his family from David and Jacob and to set his wife right with herself and the King.
• Sr. Miriam wants them to convince her mother to let her have some freedom, but does not want them to hurt her.
• Br. David, should he survive, wants them to get his dear Miriam away from that mean old Lavina and marry the two of them.
• Br. Jacob wants them to save his wounded son's life and help him bring Lavina to the hanging tree.

What do the demons want?
They want the situation to end in a bloodbath, dragging as much of the town into it as possible.  If it looks as though a peaceful resolution is going to be found, they'll do whatever is necessary to re-kindle the hostilities.

What do the demons want the Dogs to do?
They want the Dogs and Br. Jacob to be on opposite sides of the situation, forcing Jacob to bring in additional townsfolk to bring the law to bear and thereby escalating the conflict in the town.

What would happen if the Dogs didn't come?
Br. David would die and Jacob would hang Lavina, shooting his way through Elias to get to her.  Poor Miriam would be left with even less than she had, and three hungry mouths to feed.

Does anyone have any suggestions that might give it a little more oomph?

Regards,
Daniel

[Doug Ruff]

Actually, I like this, there's a clear chain of events from the original Pride onwards.

If you want to add some extra "meat" to the structure, how about:

Injustice
Lavina persuades the Steward that Miriam is too young to be married just yet, even though other women the same age are getting wed. Stward Abraham's wife doesn't lift a finger because the other families have to look after the Steward's family in exchange for his Stewardship. One of Lavina's younger daughters (Sr. Constance) cleans and mends for the Steward, leaving more work for Miriam.

Sin
Lavina and David are already acting as man and wife (I'm posting from work, so I'll keep this vague)

Demonic Attacks
Lavina is becoming unusually frail; she needs Miriam to help her, because she's just too weak to do the chores herself. Miriam's starting to look awfully unwell in the mornings. There are a series of 'accidents' in the Steward's house; last week, Constance got blamed for a broken vase: when she said that it fell all by itself, she got a beating from the Steward for lying.

False Doctrine(?)

Miriam begs Jacob to marry her and David; he's a representative of the TA, so he should be able to marry them like a Dog can, right? Jacob reluctantly agrees.

(Technically, this proably counts as Sorcery, as there's three people involved in the ceremony, but you may not want that for your game.)

Also, the idea that a Steward's family doesn't have to work for themselves is probably False Doctrine; the idea that the Steward can punish a child as if he was their father is possibly False Doctrine. What's more improtant is that it will probably upset the Dogs.

Hope this is useful.

[coffeestain]

Doug,

That's exactly the kind of thing I needed, thank you.  I think my issue was that I didn't feel it involved enough of the town to be really meaty and that Sr. Lavina wasn't a sympathetic enough character to be in the position she occupies in the situation.  My brain was freezing up and I couldn't get past my wall.

Good.  Good, good.  Thank you, thank you.

Regards,
Daniel

[Ben Lehman]

The Steward's wife doesn't work, and she doesn't have a lot of kids.  If there isn't something fishy there, I really want to know why it isn't fishy.

[coffeestain]

Thanks, Ben, good call.

Man, this town is spiraling out of control in my head really fast.

It's turning into a multi-session town, I think.

Regards,
Daniel

[coffeestain]

Alright, incorporating as many of the ideas as I felt comfortable with, here's what I finished with and it's pretty ugly.

Pride
Sr. Lavina doesn't feel she should have to work around the house any more.  Steward Abraham's wife hardly lifts a finger in his house and she hasn't borne four children!

Also, the Steward and his wife Jezebel don't believe they should have to work as their needs should be tended to as compensation for their responsibilities.

Injustice
Lavina's eldest daughter, Sr. Miriam, is betrothed to Br. David, a carpenter, but she's only allowed to leave the house and see him behind her mother's back because the rest of the time, Lavina's got her doing all manner of chores and caring for her siblings.  Lavina has discussed the matter with Jezebel and persuades her that Miriam is too young to wed, though other girls her age are getting married.  In order to curry her favor, Lavina sends her youngest daughter, Sr. Constance, to the Steward's home to clean and mend.

Sin
Miriam begins lying to her mother, making up stories about why she has to leave the house for errands or to pick up packages or supplies for dinner.  David's father Jacob, the local TA Lawman lets the young couple use his place for their meetings, where they engage in acts reserved for those already bound by marriage.  Miriam tells Constance about these meetings, both to brag and to have her provide alibis when necessary.

Demonic Attacks
Lavina is becoming unusually frail; she needs Miriam to help her because she's just too weak to do the chores herself.  Miriam is starting to look awfully unwell in the mornings.  There are a series of 'accidents' in the Steward's house; last week, Constance got blamed for a broken vase; when she said that it fell all by itself, she got a beating from the Steward for lying.  Attempting to defend herself, she does the only thing she can think of and blurts out Miriam's lies.  After Lavina hears the truth, she beats Miriam black and blue with a rake handle.  When David comes calling to teach Lavina "a thing or two about beating people", her husband, Elias, shoots him in the gut.

False Doctrine
The King of Life says the Steward should live on the backs and labor of his flock in exchange for his leadership.

Who's Who/What do they want from the Dogs?

• Sr. Lavina wants the Dogs to make her daughter stay with her and help maintain the household.
• Br. Elias wants them to protect his family from David and Jacob and to set his wife right with herself and the King.
• Sr. Miriam wants them to convince her mother to let her have some freedom, but does not want them to hurt her.  She honestly loves her mother and isn't ready to leave her.  She doesn't believe Lavina's doing anything wrong.  She wants the Dogs to make her not pregnant.
• Sr. Constance wants the Dogs to take her away from her mother and let her grow up in a kind family.
• Br. Abraham wants them to set things right and forgive him for his weakness.  He wants them to help him stand up to his wife.
• Sr. Jezebel wants them to tell her she deserves the life she's been accustomed to.
• Br. David, should he survive, wants them to get his dear Miriam away from that mean old Lavina and marry him to Miriam.
• Br. Jacob wants them to save his wounded son's life and help him bring Lavina to the hanging tree.

What do the demons want?
They want the situation to end in a bloodbath, dragging as much of the town into it as possible.  If it looks as though a peaceful resolution is going to be found, they'll do whatever is necessary to re-kindle the hostilities.

What do the demons want the Dogs to do?
They want the Dogs and Br. Jacob to be on opposite sides of the situation, forcing Jacob to deputize townsfolk to bring the law to bear, thereby escalating the conflict in the town.

What would happen if the Dogs didn't come?
Br. David would die and Jacob would hang Lavina, shooting his way through Elias to get to her.  Poor Miriam would be left with even less than she had, and two hungry mouths to feed.  Constance would become a permanent servant in the Steward's household as they continued to live a life of ease and decadence.

Regards,
Daniel

[Doug Ruff]

Oh, that's nice, and thank you for your kind words! Also, this one hit me hard, in a good way:

"Sr. Constance wants the Dogs to take her away from her mother and let her grow up in a kind family."

Regards,

Doug

[lumpley]

She wants the Dogs to make her not pregnant.

Oh MAN.

-Vincent