Elfs actual play - and notes to use in your own game

[Clinton R. Nixon]

A couple of weeks ago, I ran Elfs for my group. This isn't an actual play post, in that I'm not going to share what we learned - there's been plenty of those, and my current belief on Elfs is you either get it, or are too damn sensitive.

Anyway, I wanted to share my notes so other people could use them for a game. I used the d20 module "Folnar's Dagger," publishing by Alderac Entertainment Group, and written by Mike Mearls. (You can pick it up for $3.95 in your local game shop or at their website.) I used this one because:

a) It was short.
b) It was written by Mike Mearls, who rocks the goddamn house.
c) It was written as part of AEG's "Evil" line, adventures for evil characters. I figured that would fit right into Elfs.

I'm not going to include the adventure here for copyright reasons, obviously, but an overview:

Your characters have knowledge of (from an evil wizard, rumors, or whatever-the-fuck) a dagger kept in an abbey of paladins, a dagger that contains a nameless powerful demon trapped their by the dead paladin Folnar. Your liege - if you have one, and in my game, the Elfs did - tells you to get thyself hence and get the dagger. Of course, demons in daggers are a little unstable.

Since the adventure is d20, and made for characters of 5-7th level, there's about 5 million guards. I cut it down to three, guarding the main gate.

Temple Guards: All of these guys are paladins-in-training, and all want to prove their bravery over the others. They continually regale each other with bigger tales of their bravery, and love to hear a brave tale in return.

3 successes to defeat
Armor: 2 successes needed to damage
Broadsword: 1 Spunk damage
Crossbow: 1 Spunk damage at range

I decided to give two of these guards weird magic items (since they had them in the module.) You might recognize these from D&D3E.

Tanglefoot bag: a bag full of exploding goo. Does 3 Spunk damage, which goes away after the fight.
Thunderstone: an exploding rock that makes a lot of noise, deafening the target. Use the same rules as above.

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There were also some guard dogs, which I used just to annoy the characters.

Guard dogs: These jokers love steak.

2 successes to defeat, which must be done in one hit
1 Spunk damage

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Inside the abbey, there's an assortment of paladins - the best Elfs foil, in my opinion - to interact with. The names I've used are the same, so you can easily associate these with the people in the module.

Interior guards: Alec, Dovetree, and Tressa
Tressa wants Alec, Dovetree wants Tressa, and Alec wants Sir Fergus (see below), but'll bone anyone. These guys are a lot of fun to play off each other.

3 successes to defeat
Armor: 2 successes to hit
On 0 successes, they heal themselves. (Damn paladins.)

Carrel and Simryl, abbey wizards
This married couple are the abbey wizards, and they bicker constantly. Carrel thinks his fire-mage wife is too aggressive - sexually and otherwise - and Simryl thinks her water-mage husband is weak and passive. Imagine Rick Moranis and Dina Meyer, if she were bustier. These guys are even more fun, and totally offensive in every way. Simryl tends to sleep around, as well, which everyone knows since she's loud.

Carrel:
3 successes needed to defeat
Never hurts anyone, but heals himself and Simryl on 0 successes

Simryl:
5 successes needed to defeat
Fire Aura (Armor): 2 successes needed to hit
Reflexes
2 Spunk damage from Fire Bolt

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There's two lieutenant paladins, one for the day shift, and one at night. During the day, Sir Fergus is around, who thinks Beauregard is a complete idiot, which is true. At night, Sir Beauregard is on duty, but stays in the kitchen most of the time.

Sir Fergus: Total bad-ass.
6 successes to defeat
Heavy armor: 3 successes needed to damage
Greatsword: 2 Spunk damage

Sir Beauregard: Total beefy idiot. Anyone in armor - even an elf - that calls him 'sir' can walk right past him.
7 successes to defeat
Heavy armor: 3 successes needed to damage
Greatsword: 2 Spunk damage
Use of Low Cunning removes his Armor

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Lastly, there's Sir Corrik, the head paladin charged with defending Folnar's dagger. Of course, he keeps it on the mantle in the main dining hall, but he's usually found there. His quirk is that he's totally self-absorbed, to the point that he thinks, "Oh, these elfs won't get past me. I'll ignore them until I have to pay attention." He will talk your ear off about himself.

6 successes to defeat
Armor - 2 successes needed to hit
Last blow needs to be three successes
Magician - on 0 successes, he can do any of the following:
- reduce Spunk by 3, or other scores by 1
- cast "Hold Elf" (which holds the elf, obviously)
- heal himself fully
- summon 1-2 hounds

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In our game, the elfs managed to get involved in the Alec-Dovetree-Tressa love triangle, and one of them penetrated Alec, which was horrifying. They had other crazed misadventures, including a dare from the outer guards to blow the horn inside the door, summoning a bunch of lackeys they got to laugh at, a serious fight with Simryl, who ended up being sucked through her own portal, a taste of Simryl's Red Hot Brownies, which when fed to Beauregard, set his ass ablaze, and finally, they grabbed Folnar's dagger.

Whenever any elf does anything with this dagger, including cast a spell or get blood on it, the demon is released. This being a one-shot, you can imagine the end of the game.

"The demon is released, smoking and grinning. He laughs in a rumbling voice, then eats you. The end."

[Ron Edwards]

Hello,

Wiping a tear from my eye. It's the sensitivity and depth of playing Elfs that overcomes me, every time.

Best,
Ron