Disgruntled Parents...

[Bankuei]

Hi Andrew,

To be honest, I find that when you're dealing with a dysfunctional situation, there's no "being reasonable about it".  There's just some people you can't please, no matter what you do.  

Honestly, the player's situation boils down to two different possibilities, both of which are out of your control:

-His parents simply like inflicting power trips, and hanging threats over his head, but will probably not actually follow through, or

-His parents, for whatever reason, actually will kick him out.

In both cases, whatever sort of power struggles are going on with your player are completely out of your hand, and rest between him and his parents.

You, on the other hand, and your group, have your enjoyment completely within your control.

Chris

[MPOSullivan]

i see the situation you're in and it is kind of horrible.  gaming politics aside, and the fact that you could always drop this guy from you're group if you had to, at the same time it isn't fun to lose a player in your group who you could also be friends with.  i would suggest another course of action before "cutting out the cancer", if you will.  

you mentioned that you know this player's parents and seem to get along with them.  is there any way you could talk to them?  perhaps get them to see your side of things?  i assume that they have some kind of religious/"moral" problem with the game's magickal setting?  perhaps if you described the game to them as something akin to watching the Lord of the Rings movies or what have you, then things wouldn't be so bad.  then agian, they could've boycotted the LotR flicks...

if this doesn't work and you can't find a happy medium within your play group, i woud definetly suggest asking the player if he would be okay leaving the group, at least until things cool down with his parents.

just an idea though... ;-)

[RaconteurX]

Hi Andrew,

I once had a player with a similar restriction against Fantasy games, but in his case it was self-imposed. He was a devout Jehovah's Witness, you see, and he felt that Fantasy games, while not inherently evil, conflicted with his faith's proscription against witchcraft and magic. He was a very fine roleplayer, however, and would eagerly play almost anything else.

I understand that Science-Fiction is not your forte, but sometimes we do our best when pushed outside our comfort zones. Have you considered mixing genres? Alternity had a number of published settings, some of which would blend nicely. You could run a SF-Western a la Firefly or Cowboy Bebop, a Science-Fantasy a la Camelot 3000 or Star Wars, or any number of other combinations. Heck, look into TSR's old Star Frontiers for a SF setting with less of a hard edge.

You could also express your discomfort to either of your "old hands", who might also be able to assume gamemastering duties in your stead. If you do not mind playing SF, that may be your best solution. Clearly this fellow wants to play with your group. Given that decent players are getting more and more difficult to come by, do you really want to turn him away? Have you discussed this with the rest of the group? Communication is vital, in situations like these.

One thing you should not do, in my humble opinion, is encourage this lad to get himself kicked out of his parents' home over a game... at least not unless you are willing to put him up. I work with the disenfranchised poor every day, and being homeless is no picnic. This is especially true for the young. Sit down and talk with his parents, if nothing else. I attended an all-male Catholic college prep school and managed to convince the monks who ran it that roleplaying, even Fantasy, had more to do with creativity, teamwork and socialization than misogyny, morbidity and the occult.

[Christopher Weeks]

One thing you should not do, in my humble opinion, is encourage this lad to get himself kicked out of his parents' home over a game... at least not unless you are willing to put him up. I work with the disenfranchised poor every day, and being homeless is no picnic.

Come on!  This guy is a twenty year old role-player not an illiterate fifteen year old.  Obviously, I don't know the specifics, but even here in New Jersey, you can afford to share an apartment with a room-mate by working at Taco Bell.  Of course no one is suggesting he be homeless over a game, we're suggesting he grow the hell up and get out from under the sick and twisted control of the psycho bastards who are manipulating him that way.  Some loving parents they sound like!  He ought to get out whether or not the game flies.

At the very least, he should confront them with "Hi folks, I'm playing this D&D game, and I know you don't like the magic and stuff, but I'm a big boy and will have no problem knowing where the fiction that we're dealing with stops and where reality begins.  Last time we talked about this, you mentioned kicking me out...do you really have so little trust in my intellegence, and do you really think this is worth losing your son forever over?  Cause I got a packed dufflebag, if you do."

Chris

[Andrew Cooper]

I appreciate everyone's opinion on the subject and I've certainly gleened some good insight on the questions I asked.  I didn't mean for this to become a debate on good / bad parenting or whether I should get some guy kicked out of his home.  Both of those subjects seem a little off topic and I don't see any good coming from debating them here.  Everyone will be happy to know, I've taken steps I hope will rectify the situation and if people are really interested, I'll let you know how it turns out.  Until then, as the person who started this thread (and with no other authority implied or otherwise), I'd like to thank everyone for their input and ask that the subject be put to rest before people's tempers flare.

Thanks,

[Valamir]

Good call Andrew.

Do let us know how it works out.  Its of interest as a data point if nothing else.

[Scourge108]

I do think it should be added that this "kid" is actually an adult and responsible for his or her own actions, not his or her parents.  If he or she chooses not to play a fantasy game, regardless of the reason, it is their decision.  This decision should, of course, be respected, but likewise respect dictates that the adult in question not make it other people's problem.  It looks to me like this is a discussion between the gamer and his parents (or himself, parents could just be an excuse), not the gaming group.

[RaconteurX]

I second Ralph's sentiments. Much depends on the maturity of the fellow in question, but I hope you have a satisfactory resolution soon. Keep us informed.

[orbsmatt]

Agreed.  Besides, this forum isn't about parenting, it's about roleplaying!  I think everybody should refer to http://www.indie-rpgs.com/viewtopic.php?t=10285 for the rest of the discussion about the real issue at hand.

[Ron Edwards]

Hi everyone,

Let's respect Andrew's wishes and close this thread. No more posting, please.

Best,
Ron