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275647 Posts in 27717 Topics by 4285 Members Latest Member: - Jason DAngelo Most online today: 137 - most online ever: 429 (November 03, 2007, 04:35:43 AM)
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Author Topic: Bad RPG Fiction  (Read 1885 times)

Posts: 1557

« on: April 04, 2004, 10:59:12 AM »

One other thread I wanted to start, which I think might pick up a bit once more people have drunk heavily, is about bad RPG fiction.  I'm talking about the drivel that you get at the start of a game book, and sometimes running continually throughout.

For those who haven't read it, please check out the funniest parody yet, over on rpg.net.  It's brutal, it's scathing, it's short and sweet, it's hilarious.

Now what I'm hoping is that we can do some more.  My inclination is to do them for games we actually like, but Iím open to any basically mean-spirited and obnoxious parodies.  I havenít composed one myself because, well, I tried and it didnít really work.  Can you believe that?  I canít even write bad fiction <sniff, weep>.  Come cheer me up.  As Mae West said, ďIf you canít say something nice, come sit here by me.Ē

So anybody want to write a bad fiction intro for MLWM, Sorcerer, InSpectres, Donjon, etc.?  Or an (even worse) intro for a WoD game?

Here's hoping.

Chris Lehrich
Mike Holmes
Acts of Evil Playtesters

Posts: 10459

« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2004, 12:04:09 PM »

You can't do one for MLWM, no matter how purple you get it's still appropriate. MLWM is the purple prose RPG.

Sorcerer OTOH...

The sun bathed the sumptuous beach in a luxuriously pampering manner like the heat from a giant incubator. Jared strode onto the beach, gem-encrusted sacrificial knife in hand.

His inexperienced apprentice followed. "Will we be summoning today?" he said.

"By Set's Fucking balls." replied Cool Dude. "We have to perform the contact ritual first."

"Sacrifices?" queried the kid.

"Sacrifices are for summoning, we'll use drugs to expand our minds instead. You're no sorcerer." Cool Dude sighed, producing a bag of blonde Lebanese hash; then solid blackness flew from his shadow with the flick of the wrist destroying a nearby boulder.


"My demon, if you didn't know, is my shadow young one. And that just satisfied it's need. Oh no -- it's the Black Wheel!" Drawing his dagger, and summoning his demon's powers, Jared leapt to the attack. He quickly eviscerated an opposing sorcerer, ending up with the cloaked man's testicles in his left hand. Another's demon clawed his shoulder, however, sending blood spraying as he spun away from the bleary eyed monstrosity.

Jared's apprentice called on his demon, "I'm a sorcerer - I've learned well from you, master". The tide of battle turned as the demon dazed the opponents with it's gaze of flaming brightness. Despite their insane desire to win, the black Wheel were forced to run from the beach.

"Our punishment of your demons will soon be complete leaving you both helpless!" screamed the leader as he vanished.

"Hey, that's a pretty nasty demon you've summoned there", says Jared. "Now we can start to talk about real sorcery."

How's that? I'm sure that Ron will be putting this as the intro to Sorcerer & Vacation.


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joshua neff

Posts: 949

« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2004, 12:05:50 PM »

Quote from: Mike Holmes
How's that? I'm sure that Ron will be putting this as the intro to Sorcerer & Vacation.

I think it should be called "Spring Break Sorcerer" instead.


"You can't ignore a rain of toads!"--Mike Holmes

Posts: 594

« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2004, 12:17:46 PM »

Sorcerers Gone Wild!
Jack Spencer Jr
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2004, 04:53:27 PM »

I have written bad fiction. I wrote a story for Orkworld once. John Wick sent me a thank you email for it, but more for the idea that someone wrote a story set in his world than anything else.

Fortunately, that was on the old computer, which died, so the world is safe, I guess.
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