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275647 Posts in 27717 Topics by 4285 Members Latest Member: - Jason DAngelo Most online today: 76 - most online ever: 565 (October 17, 2020, 02:08:06 PM)
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Author Topic: Communication  (Read 2453 times)
Valamir
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Posts: 5574


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« on: April 15, 2005, 07:44:50 AM »

Quote from: TonyLB
Ralph, not to go all Alex Trebek on you, but would any of that have been difficult to phrase as a question?

I believe that you're in this to try to understand the positions of others.  I think that when you post things that (like the above post) look like "No, you're wrong!  Here's why!", you are in fact hoping that somebody will come back and say "I recognize what you're saying, but I still think I'm right, for the following reasons..." and give you useful information that may even sway your opinion.  Am I correct in that?

If I am correct then I'm a bit confused about your choice of tone.  While I have no trouble translating this:
Quote from: Valamir
Tony's Actual Play posts are about as far from passive as one can conceive of. Its far more "fight each other tooth and nail" than Uni is.

... into this:
Quote from: Tony rewriting
Tony's Actual Play posts seem very competitive.  I'm sure you are taking that into account in your theory that the game is Yin, but can you please elaborate on the seeming contradiction?

... some people might.  I'm sure that you've taken that into account, in choosing to post as you have, but can you please elaborate on why the statement/rebuttal style works better for you than question/answer?

Who knows... the differences in how we post in this thread might even shed some light on the differences in how we play RPGs.



I probably would have passed on responding to this, but since this is your forum and you asked me specifically to answer it I will...but I'll start this new thread for it.  Maybe, since we have had our communication difficulties in the past, this might prove fruitfull.

When I look at your examples questioning my tone I suspect that you are viewing the first one as being rather belligerant and rude and the second one as being polite and respectful and asking why I don't post more polite and respectfully (If I'm wrong in that, then the rest of this won't make any sense).

Truth be told...that second example doesn't strike me as polite and respectful at all.  In fact, if you were to post that way towards me my first reaction to it would be: "quit fucking patronizing me you git and just tell me what you think".  My second reaction would then be to understand that you aren't intending to be a patronizing git at all and so I'd translate your statement into something more comprehensible to me (much as you've done above in the other direction).

Perhaps that's my business background coming through.  In my business you express your opinions with conviction because if the people you're expressing them to don't think you're confident in them...they won't be confident in them.  If I approached one of my clients with a statement such as your second example they would immediately think "wow...what a wishy washy spineless thing to say.  If he's so lacking in confidence about this, there's no way I'm going to give any credibility to his idea".

So I guess there is a decided breach in communication style there.  Because what you see as being polite and respectful...I see as being patronizing and lacking conviction.

Hopefully we can both do a better job of translating in the future.
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TonyLB
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« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2005, 07:53:52 AM »

Wow, that's interesting.  Particularly as I see the interpretation being applied not only to my examples, but to my post itself.  Cool....
Quote from: Valamir
When I look at your examples questioning my tone I suspect that you are viewing the first one as being rather belligerant and rude and the second one as being polite and respectful and asking why I don't post more polite and respectfully (If I'm wrong in that, then the rest of this won't make any sense).

Well, that's not what I think, but the rest of what you said makes sense anyway.  I don't see your tone as belligerent.  I see your wording as easily misinterpreted, but I always assumed that if I could hear your voice over the forum it would be earnest, even impassioned, but always engaged and open.

It seems like you assume that if I ask a question, it can't be purely to gather information.  Instead, it must also be a prelude to later expressing my own opinion.

Whereas I assume that if you make a statement, it can't be purely to express your opinion.  Instead, it must also be a prelude to later gathering information.

Does that sound about right to you?
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