New 15-minute demo could use review

[TonyLB]

Okay, after gruelling labor of hard, laborious work, I finished up the new version of the fifteen minute demo.  Here's the funky new features I intend to show off at GenCon:

• Reduced clutter:  No more letter-sized character sheets, no more poker chips.  Just a few packs of index cards, and 16d6 (which, with the 12mm d6s, I hope to fit in a dice tube) and that's it for the demo.
• Streamlined interface:  Presenting items like "how to split" dice on an index card, rather than associating it with a poker chip, allows me to actually write out exactly how the rules work on the card that people should be holding when thinking about those rules.  Will that finally shave off those last pesky few minutes to make the 15-minute demo reliably a 10-minute demo?  We shall see.
• Way more art:  'nuff said.

If people look through the PDF and spot my dumb mistakes, that'd be cool.  But, particularly, I'd like to hear which cards grab you and which cards leave you cold (and, if you can figure it out, why).  These decks are going to be artifacts in their own right as well as media for conveying the demo, and I hope that their appeal and ability to engage the customer will go a long way toward getting people stoked about the demo.  Any fine-tuning on that score would be terrific.

[Kai_lord]

It's looking good. I've got a few comments though.

First, a minor nit - MANS should be MAN'S on Victory's second conflict.

Second, I'd go with a different piece of artwork for the villain's and Quantum Lass's inspirations and debt. The current artwork is perfect for the Major, but it's more than a little jarring for the other cards, especially Brain's "THIS COLD, LIFELESS SHELL."

[TonyLB]

Done.  New copy, same old link.

I also jazzed up one of Quantum Girl's conflicts, because they weren't really grabby enough.  I suspect that "Rescue Hostages" is a bit of a loser, too, unless I specifically mention that the hostages include a little boy holding a red baloon and whimpering, "Mommy ... I want my mommy," or something like that.

[Ben Lehman]

Both of the villains are weak, because each of them is really only pointed at one character (Tesla at QG, and Brain and MV).  I think giving Tesla in particular some more juicy stuff would be good.  Wouldn't "Punish Major Victory for taking my daughter from me" be a great goal?  Or "Get my daughter back from that underwear pervert, Major Victory?"

Likewise, giving Quantum Girl "Save Dad" instead of "Save Hostages."

yrs--
--Ben

[dunlaing]

"Pick one of your characters three possible CONFLICTS, and place it on the table, with dice"
should read:
"Pick one of your character's three possible CONFLICTS, and place it on the table, with dice"

The die splitting card should probably have a die showing two pips on the left. As it stands, it looks like you can split a 1 into two 1s if you only look at the big dice on the card.

On Tesla's card, "divorcé" should be "divorcée"

[John Harper]

I just want to say that this new format is HOT. Love it. I already know how to play Capes (mostly), but reading this demo still turned on lightbulbs for me. Like, "Yeah! That's how you do that! So simple!"

Rock on.

[TonyLB]

Bill, your changes are easy.  Illustrator makes me happy ... change a symbol in one place and it propagates everywhere.

Ben, your changes are going to require a touch more thought.  I like them, but it's a pretty serious wholesale revision of the conflict lists, and it will have cascade effects ("Save Dad" makes "Brutally murder philandering ex-husband" into too close a conflict to work cleanly in a demo, etc.)

What if it's rewritten as follows.  More sizzle for the villains?

Victory:

• Prove that the villains aren't competitive any more
• Show that only a man can do a man's job.
• Defeat all villains in combat

Tesla:

• Blame Victory for taking Quantum Lass from her family
• Convince Quantum Lass to help the villains escape
• Comandeer hostage situation for personal vengeance

Iron Brain:

• Humiliate Major Victory
• Maintain control of your patner/lackey
• Detonate the Necro-Bomb

Quantum Lass:

• Break through Tesla’s hard-ass exterior
• Quantum outperforms all the old fogeys
• Rescue dad (Mayor Weakeley)

[/list]

[TonyLB]

Oh ... not "Break through Tesla's heartless exterior" but "Break through a villain's heartless exterior."

I mean ... Iron Brain really needs to just break down and have a good cry, don't you think?

And thank you, John.  I'm rather fond of the new format myself, though I'm reserving final judgment until I see it in action.

[Matthew Glover]

Okay, I like the Step 1/2/3/4 labels, but I'd also really like to see the cards labelled Character, Conflict, Inspiration, Debt, and Story Token as well.  I think it'd make it easier (for me, at least) to explain to a player.

[Markku Tuovinen]

[li]Comandeer hostage situation for personal vengeance[/li][/list]

"Commandeer"

[TonyLB]

"Commandeer"

>sigh<  Speling used too be something I did prety well, to.  Good cache.

[Kai_lord]

Tony, I assume you'd have no problem if I gave these a quick test run at the local game shop for an afternoon of demoing this Sunday, right?

[TonyLB]

Tony, I assume you'd have no problem if I gave these a quick test run at the local game shop for an afternoon of demoing this Sunday, right?

No problem at all.  I recommend printing them out on cardstock (or paper, if cardstock's too much of a pain) and slicing along the light-grey lines.