Self-Doubt

[philreed]

I'm constantly arguing with myself, trying to determine if what I'm doing currently is going to be the thing I release that sucks. I probably spend more time thinking about what I could be doing wrong than I do actually working on a project.

Does anyone else have this problem and, if so, what do you do about it?

EDIT: It's threads like this one

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?s=1663e9c8e551839519ec00ed2a639db9&threadid=46109

That really make me question myself. How do I maintain the level that people expect from me and how do I know when I'm no longer at that level?

[Ron Edwards]

Hi Phil,

The Confidence thread might be helpful. Disregard my first post in the thread; I was kind of being a dick, actually.

Best,
Ron

[philreed]

It's funny. When I started writing and working in the game industry I never worried about failing my fans. It's as I get better at it that I worry.

[hardcoremoose]

Phil,

Clearly your definition of "sucks" reads something like "no one likes it and no one buys it".  I can understand that, since this is business for you.  Still, I'm not sure there's any way for you to predict what people will and will not buy.  Fortunately, you have a several things working in your favor - namely your burgeoning reputation, superlative design skills, and the d20 license - which could actually supplant quality as the most important factor in sales (not that I think they should, nor do they in any of your current product, from what I can tell).

As has been said before in these forums, the best you can do is design something you feel passionately about.  If you like it, it's reasonable others will too.  And if your loves shows through, you might just win a few converts in the process.

Best,
Scott

[Mike Holmes]

Does anyone else have this problem and, if so, what do you do about it?

Does anyone not have this problem?

When I feel that way, I kick myself in the ass and tell myself that it's useless to worry. That worrying about it, as you point out, only takes away time that I could use to improve something.

And then I put the product out here so that I can get objective third-party assessment. Because one is always too close to one's own work to have any objective idea.

Surprised that you worry more now? You have more to lose. When you started, you had no rep. Now you do. So I'm guessing that you feel like you have to produce at a higher level to maintain your rep. Pretty standard, really.

But that's still irrational. I still posit that "Kick self in ass" to reboot the headspace is the only reasonable response .

Mike

[Valamir]

A certain amount of uncertainty is good I think.  It makes sure that you maintain the commitment to quality in your current work as you did in the stuff that "made your name"...without it you get cocky and start producing a lot of crap...like say Paul Verhoeven.

So Self Doubt is a healthy thing.  Right up to the point where it paralyses you.  If you avoid that, you're golden.

[Jonathan Walton]

Orson Scott Card once said that a good writer has to believe 2 things simultaneously: first, that the thing they're currently working on is the greatest thing every written in the English language, secondly, the thing they're currently working on is the biggest piece of crap the world has ever seen.  Getting that balance, in my experience, can be tricky, because I tend to swing back and forth, with one side of that duality always feeling stronger than the other.

Ultimately, though (and I think Ron & Clinton try to push this message for indie designers), the only person you have to please is yourself.  Indie publishing is about the freedom to do what you damn well please, so as long as you're happy with it, that 99.9% of what matters.

[Judd]

Let me end the suspense right here.  Eventually, you are going to write something and someone somewhere is going to say that it sucks.

Maybe they'll have a point and maybe they won't.

Either way, fuck them.  Keep writing.

There are obviously some folks who are really impressed with what you're doing and that's a good thing.  

Keep those good things in mind, keep the good reviews, keep whatever it is that you need to in order to continue writing, make that blank page before the next project less daunting.

Good luck and keep those fingers on the keyboard, man.

P.S.  There's a neat book on writing called Bird by Bird that I am in the process of reading and a buddy just got me The Writer's Block, a fun little desk thing with lots of fun writer's tricks for beating blockage.

[Gold Rush Games]

Phil, you have the respect and admiration of many people, myself included. Personal issues aside, I've always liked you and enjoyed your work.

  FWIW, when I start feeling discouraged, a visit to a game convention usually pulls me out of my funk and recharges my batteries.

  It sounds corny, perhaps, but having even one fan say "I really enjoyed this book. Thanks for giving me something to play and enjoy." it all feels worthwhile.

[Bruce Baugh]

It's hard to manage to ignore all the people worth ignoring, or at least not worth respecting. Some folks will hate what you do regardless. Others will love it ditto. In between are the people who will actually evaluate what you're doing and comment with both priase and criticism. These are the ones to heed. :)

[Sidhain]

I'm constantly arguing with myself, trying to determine if what I'm doing currently is going to be the thing I release that sucks. I probably spend more time thinking about what I could be doing wrong than I do actually working on a project.

Does anyone else have this problem and, if so, what do you do about it?

Someone a short while ago, said "don't release anything until your sure it doesn't suck /to you/"  

At first I was like "WHAT?" but I let it sink in a bit--the truth is, if your not happy with it, why would you expect anyone else to be--nothing will ever be perfect, but you be happy with what you've done and then release it.

You won't please everyone, so what?

Diversity is what makes the world fun.


No two people in the world has ever been exactly like another. So satisfy the ones you can, and be happy with the work you've done.

[Michael Hopcroft]

I have been plagued with self-doubt of the sort people are discussing ever since I started this business. I've had people try to talk me out of publishing, out of writing and so forth, Worse, I've often caught myself talking myself out of things I know I can do.

The antidote to all of this negativity is for me to remind myself why i do what i do. I often say "I publish because I can't NOT publish" -- it's essential to me, like breathing. But the truth is that every time I see my name on a byline, my bosom swells with a feeling that cannot be described. It can only be experienced, and to deny myself that experience would be a grave disservice to myself.

It matters what peoiple think, of course, but I must force myself to remember that I can't let that control me or what I do. In the end I answer to myself and my dreams. I've wanted to be in the game industry since I was 12. Now that I'm here, it would be a shame to let go. I have got to remember that more often....