Ok, I know this technically isn't a post directly related to questions about mechanics, but it is related to a question about my Eclipse rulebook, which I plan to release first as an art-less free playtest version, and then as a revised not-free full version with art and more of everything (species, abilities, and settings especially). If this works, then I'll use any money I make from selling the full pdf to pay for a print-run, but that's a fair way off me thinks. I have no idea if this will work, like if the raw plan is flawed or if it's flawed because I'll be trying it with Eclipse, but hell, I'm making the damned thing anyway and loving it, so I might as well give it a try!

The above pdf is only 26 pages of text (30 pages including chapter title pages), and is far from complete (like maybe another 250 pages off!), but my questions relate only really to the first few pages. Also, don't mind all the blank pages, I haven't started the art yet and I need to leave space for it in the layout.

My questions are pretty simple:

1. Is my "How to Play" section clear and concise enough, yet informative and comprehensive enough?

2. Have I mutilated forge-speak into unforgiveable abomination? Or is my use of terms such as "premise" and "shared imaginative space" close enough to be helpful and removed enough to be understandable to the average gamer who's never been to the forge?

3. Have I missed anything big and important in my 'Player' and 'Game Master' sections (page 3 I think).

4. Is my layout so far aesthetically pleasing? (Yes, I believe this is actually very important and one of those things where other people's opinions really do matter).

5. Does my chargen page make sense in terms of each individual step and the order of steps?

6. If anyone cares to read past the introduction chapter (all 4 pages of it), are there any areas that I need to explain more? Or things that should make sense but don't because I've neglected something?

Any other suggestions, comments, criticisms and questions are welcome!

Thanks,
-Ben

I tried the link, but you've exceeded your hosting service's bandwidth limit so it's inaccessible.

Simon Hibbs

Really?

It's only 1mb, and only 54 people have viewed this thread, so by my calculations, only 6 would have clicked the link (ok, 27 tops). That's a crazily small amount of bandwidth. Oh well, I have a friend with a server and he said I could stick whatever I want up there so long as it doesn't exceed 25Gb per month, so I'll stick it up there tomorrow and post the new link. Then it should always work.

Thanks for letting us know!

-Ben

Ok, if the first link I gave doesn't work, you can use this one. This one should never run out of bandwidth.

If I don't get any feedback I will simply assume that everything makes sense and doesn't need changing.

And if anyone is interested (which they probably aren't), here is a work-in-progress pic I will include in the full .pdf when it's done, just so you can get a feel for the style and quality of art it will have. It's my first ever attempt to paint in photoshop (and it's still quite a way off from being finished), so hopefully I will get better with successive pieces. This is the real reason I will be charging for the full .pdf, because it will basically work like a portfolio of sorts to help me start a career as a fantasy artist.

Some initial reactions...

I like the graphic design. It's cool.

You're using "premise" as it is commonly defined, as opposed to its meaning in GNS-speak, yes? Not that this is good or bad, I just want to see if I'm interpreting the passage correctly.

The "shared imagined space" reference is spot on. Overall your Forge-ese seems well translated *g*

You kind of hedge around saying social contract, but I see that thats what you want to say. I don't think it would be too "esoteric" to have a paragraph on establishing social contract, if you want to point it out.

Why have all the different kinds of points for character generation, with all the converting of 10 to 1, etc? Is there any reason not to have a pool of "Character Points", and say you can spend 10 of those per level of cost of an ability, 2 per attribute point, etc? Thats something that would bug me as a player, unless theres some other significance I'm missing.

The Crystal, Fluid and Flame attributes are really cool color, as well as some of the derived attributes, but seem slightly incongrous with the more "traditional" attributes. I guess thats more a matter of taste than anything else, but I thought I'd point it out.

On a brief scan-though I don't see anything about the resolution mechanics, except that you get to roll a d20 and add stuff to it. Is this buried somewhere, or is it a section thats not there yet?

Hope thats useful. Looks like a cool game - I like the color a lot.

I like the graphic design. It's cool.

You're using "premise" as it is commonly defined, as opposed to its meaning in GNS-speak, yes? Not that this is good or bad, I just want to see if I'm interpreting the passage correctly.

You kind of hedge around saying social contract, but I see that thats what you want to say. I don't think it would be too "esoteric" to have a paragraph on establishing social contract, if you want to point it out.

Why have all the different kinds of points for character generation, with all the converting of 10 to 1, etc? Is there any reason not to have a pool of "Character Points", and say you can spend 10 of those per level of cost of an ability, 2 per attribute point, etc? Thats something that would bug me as a player, unless theres some other significance I'm missing.

On a brief scan-though I don't see anything about the resolution mechanics, except that you get to roll a d20 and add stuff to it. Is this buried somewhere, or is it a section thats not there yet?

Looks nice, although I'm not sure I'd use graphics that have as much contrast as the ones you're using now. One small nitpick, you used Ego as a yardstick to measure how 'well' a character is. You might wish to replace Ego with Psyche or something else as usually Ego is considered to be negative thing. I might be way out of whack here btw.

I'm using "premise" how I personally understand it, which is probably much closer to it's common definition than the GNS version. I'm hoping that my use of it is comprehensible and meaningful.

Do you think [social contract] really needs to be in there to help players understand my meaning?

Yeah, the reason I have the "heirachy" of points for character creation is simply a way to control how characters develop...So I think it's just easier to give players a friendly nudge in the right direction, rather than shove them in the deep end. If they want to, they can still jump in the deep end. Does that make sense?

Thanks for you comments!