Well, I'm working on the for-pay version of my RPG, Unsung, and I'm looking for comments. At this point, the game is technically playable:

Introduction (mainly aimed at new roleplayers)
Chapter 1: Protagonists (chargen)
Chapter 2: Basic Concepts (system skeleton)
Chapter 3: Gifts and Lapses
Chapter 4: The Mission System
Chapter 5: Shootouts (combat)
Chapter 6: Endings, Death and Retirement

This is smaller than it looks -- none of these "chapters" are more than four pages or so. This is just raw text, with no layout. In the final version, the "SIDEBAR" bits will actually be in sidebars, etc.

What I'm looking for:

• Opinions on the Retirement system, in particular -- remember you get a Retirement Point every time your character Lapses
• Opinions on the Mission system
• Opinions on the Introduction, and suggestions on a good place where I can politely expose non-gamers to it in order to get an opinion.
• More general opinions, but to a lesser degree. I'm curious what people think of the Gift and Lapse system, for example, not not so much as the other things above, as I've playtested that system extensively and it does exactly what I want.


Any takers? Also, as a tangent, anyone wanna playtest, now that it's "complete"?

To do: Hunt down the chapter references since I combined chapters 6 & 7 into one; setting briefs; layout; art

So, if one retires their character, and the game does not end, does the player continue to play per the rules for having a dead charactrer?

I think that you may want to look at further playtest resulst, and figure out which of the many options work best. As it is now, it's almost a "make your own system" system.

Mike

Mike Holmes wrote: So, if one retires their character, and the game does not end, does the player continue to play per the rules for having a dead charactrer?

I think that you may want to look at further playtest resulst, and figure out which of the many options work best. As it is now, it's almost a "make your own system" system.

Just for the retirement system. It reads like a playtest copy, because it's saying, "Well, we're not really sure what works, so here are options. Let us know what works best." In the end you want to present one coherent vision, I think.

I can see playing out a session without a character, if he dies or retires. But I can't see coming back to play another. Is that a problem? (or is it just me).

Mike

Mike Holmes wrote: Just for the retirement system. It reads like a playtest copy, because it's saying, "Well, we're not really sure what works, so here are options. Let us know what works best." In the end you want to present one coherent vision, I think.

I can see playing out a session without a character, if he dies or retires. But I can't see coming back to play another. Is that a problem? (or is it just me).