At the moment I have Veiled Exile in playtest so I've shifted focus for the moment to the game I was working on from the beginning. I'm going to describe the actual game setting first and then go into what differences there are system wise from the first game I introduced here. FYI: I typed this after using caffeine as a substitute for sleep so ignore any grammatical, spelling, etc screw ups. If anything's confusing just ask for elaboration.

Also FYI: For the time being I'm only releasing small descriptions of the races. Physical Appearance, Culture, Language, etc will be shown when and if I decide to go into further detail on the individual races.

I want to know,
1. Is the setting original enough?
2. Does the world sound interesting enough to roleplay in?
3. Is the political climate too complicated or too simple?
4. Is the concept good, bad, really stupid?
5. Are there enough/too many nations?
6. Are there enough/too many races?
7. Are you as happy as I am that I didn't use common fantasy races like Elves, Dwarves, etc?
8. And anything else you can think of, I'm not expecting the setting to be perfect but I sure hope it doesn't suck lol.


The World

In the beginning there were the Gods and the people of Rys. All was well and the Gods made certain that none of their creations wanted for anything.

Then the Ancients, a race of powerful Planar travellers, came to Rys. They offered the people power beyond their wildest dreams if they simply reject their Gods. The people accepted, allowing the Ancients to banish the Gods from Rys.

Soon the Ancients true desire came to light as they enslaved the races of Rys and claimed the world for their own. The Gods were unable to do anything to help and appealed to another race of Planar travellers known as the Stewards.

The Stewards agreed to help the Gods and led the races of Rys in revolution against the Ancients. Those Ancients who were left were stripped of their power and exiled to the frozen wastelands of Rys.

With their masters gone the people of Rys begged the Stewards to bring back the Gods but what had been done could not be reversed. Feeling pity for them, the Stewards created 6 races from the elements and charged them with the protection of Rys from extraplanar enemies. These defenders of Rys were called Primordials.

The Stewards left the people with their freedom but with a leadership vacuum. Each of the races gathered their people together and began battling amongst themselves for supremacy despite the protests from the Primordials

Blinded by their ambition the people of Rys ignore the warnings of the Primordials that a new threat is rising from beneath the surface of their world until it's too late. Now they face an enemy whose only desire is the total destruction of all life on Rys, and their only hope lies in the knowledge of the Ancients that they exiled centuries ago.


The Races

Humans: Industrious and willful, the humans excel in no particular area but their tenacity makes them formidable.

T’Jal [Jall]: Enigmatic and wise, the T’jal excel in study and art. Most T’jal know magic and this makes them powerful adversaries.

Half-T'Jal: Halfbreed outcasts, they find no comfort on either side of their Racial heritage. Willful like their human ancestors most become thugs and common thieves, but those who rise up and overcome are among the greatest heroes in Rys.

Dheca [Dee-Say]: Cheerful and kind, the Dheca are master diplomats and merchants. They dominate the seas to make sure that the petty power struggles of other races don’t restrict trade.

Olbri [Ol-Bree]: Guarded and suspicious, the Olbri own the night. They are expert spies and assassins and not to be trifled with despite their small population.

Klikrask [Click-Rask]: Efficient and skilled, Klikrask are an unmatched industrial power. Their mines delve deep and invaders plan for heavy losses just making their way inside past the traps and ambushes.

Neseef [Ness-eef]: Absentminded but brilliant, the Neseef are master scientists and inventors. While not physically intimidating, the Neseef have many inventions and gadgets that make attackers think twice.

Ventus: Born from the element of air, the Ventus are a race of explorers. While they abhor violence, their ability to fly makes them deadly.

Aduro: Born from the element of fire, the Aduro are an emotional and powerful race. They are unrelenting warriors of impressive skill.

Fimus: Born from the element of Earth, the Fimus are reliable and sturdy. They are daunting guards who refuse to fail until death.

Stilla: Born from the element of Water, the Stilla are graceful and wise. Stilla Martial Artists are the best in all of Rys.

Gelu: Born from the element of Ice, the Gelu are distant and aloof. Gelu are the master teachers of Elementalist magic.


The World

Rys is a large world, (about 103 Million Square miles of dry land, and 130 Million Square miles of water), with an incredible variety of ecosystems and climates. The planet’s axis is tilted in such a way that the North Pole is a vast sun scorched desert, and the South Pole is a dark sunless frozen wasteland. Two large continents, (Rena , and Teleyo), and hundreds of islands of varying size are spread across the surface of Rys. Seperating these landmasses are two vast oceans called Tumult and Okan

At the North are vast deserts. As you travel south from there the climate cools and dampens until you reach the frozen wasteland of the South Pole. The North and South Pole are known as the Savage Lands and are both parts of the continent of Rena [Ree-Nah]. Rena has one example of every climate across its surface. All but one of the nations of Rys are located on Rena.

Teleyo [Tee-Lay-O] is a large, mostly temperate, land mass. More calm and hospitable than Rena there are many fresh water rivers, lakes, and ponds. Teleyo is dominated by forests and plains, with a few very impressive mountain ranges scattered here and there. Mostly unexplored since it was abandoned during the rebellion against the Ancients, the Auric Empire is the only nation on Teleyo.


Nations

Auric Empire: One of two human empires. Auric is located in Teleyo and has become an Economic Superpower because of its vast resources. They are mostly uninvolved with the power struggles because they are an ocean away and on the frontline against the Blight.

Opal Republic: Hidden in the mountains of Rena the Opal Republic is the home of the Olbri. The Opal Republic is too small to have any real part in the power struggles of Rys so they curry favor with whoever looks like they might win at the time. Rumors of individual Olbri making deals with the Blight are not unheard of.

Lesan [Lee-San]: The Nation of the T'Jal. Lesan is made up of monastery cities of varying sizes in which the T'Jal spend their lives training and perfecting their magic. Ignoring the threat of the Blight because it is still so far away, Lesan continues its campaign for supremacy of Rena.

Klikrask Hives: The Klikrask are a race of insectoids who live in huge networks of tunnels they've carved out of the earth. They would rather be left alone to dig and work but since they uncover precious metals often they are frequently the target of other nations that want to increase their wealth. After sending soldiers to Teleyo to help against the blight the Klikrask had to quickly summon them back to defend their home against Lesan with whom they are currently locked in a vicious conflict.

Neseef Enclaves: The Neseef are a race of Fox people who cannot or don't want to create their own nation. Instead they live in burrows dug into land granted to them by other nations in exchange for access to their gadgets and inventions. With no part in the conflicts of the other races the Neseef work with the Gelu searching the South for the exiled Ancients.

Reavers: The Reavers are human nomads who have hidden in the deserts of the North after their kingdom was destroyed by Lesan. Now they live constantly moving tent cities and they desperately try to regain their land with daring raids on Lesan territories.

Gulf of Sapphires: The Dheca make their home in the largest Gulf of Rena known as the Gulf of Sapphires. Control of such a strategically and economically important area causes them to sometimes become a target for other nations. Their nation is mostly located on floating or underwater cities with towns scattered across the shoreline to support landbased ports. They assist against the blight by donating resources to the Auric Empire but like the other nations they are unable to send military assistance because of the power struggles of Rena.

The Duchy of Emerald: Located in the Rainforest of Rena this nation is the second human nation of Rys. Seperate from the Auric Empire, the members of this nation are hardy and proud. They believe themselves to be the rightful rulers of Rys and are locked in perpetual conflict with all non-human nations.

Primordials: The Primordials have no nation of their own, instead they live in areas appropriate for their element. They are locked in a losing battle with the Blight with only the help of the Auric Empire.

The Blight: The Blight originates from Fissures in the fabric of reality. Not even the Primordials are sure where the fissures lead but powerful and horrifying creatures pour out from them and move at the command of an unseen leader. Those who think they cannot win and join the Blight are made into undead servants and used as fodder.


That's everything, or at least everything I can think of. Tell me what you think, but please be gentle with my fragile ego.

Hi John,

Here's a short answer to everything you asked, which I think would be mirrored by others around here, since similar posts have come up in the past:

Everything I see is fine. Races, nations, history, cosmology...all fine. Is it highly originaly? Well, no, but that's overrated. You don't need to be highly original, as long as it's what you want to do. So yes, it's original enough. It's pretty standard fantasy world material (even without elves and dwarves), but can it work for you? Sure.

Basically, posting setting material here by itself is generally not very helpful (to you). All anyone can say is "Fine: nothing there sounds really bad...go ahead with it." What matters is your system, perhaps in terms of how that ties into the setting. There have been a million different iterations of the standard fantasy world, and deciding that one is better than another is mostly a matter of individual taste. For instance, I find the exiled people who want to reclaim their land the most interesting of all the races, and would play them if I were in playing your game. But everyone will have a different answer, and polls aren't really useful (or what the Forge is about).

Have you read Fantasy Heartbreakers and More Fantasy Heartbreakers by Ron?

Jasper wrote:
It's pretty standard fantasy world material (even without elves and dwarves)

StrongBadMun wrote:
Blinded by their ambition the people of Rys ignore the warnings of the Primordials that a new threat is rising from beneath the surface of their world until it's too late. Now they face an enemy whose only desire is the total destruction of all life on Rys, and their only hope lies in the knowledge of the Ancients that they exiled centuries ago.

1. As other have said, that's a matter of taste. I find the "tilted" world particularly interesting. However, a lot of the other parts of your setting, while not quite as stock fantasy as, say, Forgotten Realms, aren't anything new either.

The gods' war as a backstory has been done before (and possibly done best by the Greeks) -- and why would the last gods to inhabit the world suddenly choose to leave? Did they get bored? Have appointments elsewhere? The divine war can still be used originally, but it needs believable motivations for everyone concerned (why the ancients wanted power over Rys, why the gods wanted it badly enough to fight, and so on).

A second question about originality -- why only two continents? Aside from being standard bad-fantasy fare (especially with one civilized and one unexplored), I'd think a large world would make more sense with more landmasses. It would also allow more variety in culture and civilization, and provide motivation for explorers since some continents will probably be without resources (bronze, spices) which can be acquired elsewhere.


2. As it stands now, maybe. I'd pick it over FR or Jordan's Wheel of Time world without hesitation. But I'd like to see more variety and better-explained background material.


3. Too simple. Regardless of other species' personalities, humans are prone to messy squabbles. Only two human nations? Sure, one of them might be comparable to Augustus' Roman Empire or Alexander's, but they still didn't achieve total control over all except one other nation, leaving Asia, the Americas, most of Africa, and northern Europe out of it. Magic might allow for more landmass coverage, but rebellions are near-certain even without it. Unless both countries brainwash their inhabitants with a 100% success rate, people are going to want to break away. And with massive empires, it's hard to notice when the frontiers dissolve, allowing new nations a little time to build up`.

I'd guess that many other species on Rys would be similar (though perhaps not as drastic as the humans' propensity for splitting up). The Klikrask and the elementals are the only ones I can think of who'd be more or less immune to this.

The nations' relations and alliances look pretty good. I'd just add more countries to the mix.


4. Again, that's subjective. Some people will hate it, others may think it's the best thing since the invention of modern fantasy. I'm in the middle, leaning towards good.


5. Not enough (see #3 for the full rant).


6. Enough, unless you're trying for a China Mieville feel (doesn't look like it, though).


7. Take a really good look at them before you say you haven't used or renamed the fantasy cliches.

My comparisons:

Humans - Humans (standard jacks-of-all-trades, breed like rabbits compared to everyone else, stubborn)

T'Jal - Elves (intellectual, magical, isolated, and you've implied that they're so focused on themselves that they can't see the danger, another stock image)

Half-T'Jal - Half-elves (the only halfbreed species, just like D&D; combine attributes of both but aren't often accepted by either)

Dheca - these seem original enough; though if not for the mercenary mindset, I'd be writing on halflings here...

Olbri - Drow (just asking for that one: dark, vaguely evil, paranoid, and small population size serves the same purpose as putting the Drow far away from anyone else -- they're rarely encountered)

Klikrask - Dwarves (busy mechanical wizards, miners)

Neseef - Gnomes (tinkerers, intelligent but perhaps lacking in common sense)

Primordials - Elementals; even the personality types are what you'd expect. Try turning the cliches on their heads! Why not make Aduro capricious, gypsy-like explorers; Ventus relaxed, weak-willed, but capable (good candidate for minor summonings...); Fimus dry, fanatically intellectual scholars; Stilla fast, chaotic, and ultimately unable to commit to anything; and Gelu completely unmagical, stubborn but easily broken, with a definite obsession for entropy?


8. No, it's not perfect; it has a long way to go before it can be something truly new; but for all that, it's not bad either.

It's not bad. Intriguing even. Is the final product going to be a free system? If it is, I can host it on my free rpg site to give you some exposure.

Juice

Hi all,

Thanks for your input so far, there are a few things I thought I should address. I didn't adress some of the finer aspects you all asked about, that was my bad.

First of all the God War thing is actually part of a much larger metaplot that I don't have enough peoples help to even touch right now.

But to make things simple, there are races of people that are naturally capable of travelling the planes/parallel dimensions/whatever you wanna call them. The Stewards and Ancients are two of these peoples factions.

The Ancients think that the Gods, who only exist because people believe them into existence, do not deserve so much power over normal people. In the case of Rys what was considered "enslavement" was really the Ancients working to establish a real government. All the races were annoyed that the Ancients didn't deem them ready yet for the full powers they were promised.

The Stewards believe that each Plane should be left to its own devices to develop with minimal interference [think conservationists lol]. When they showed up, the natives cried wolf and lied about the Ancients enslaving them. This is why the Ancients were exiled, and to save themselves from developing guilt later all the races convinced themselves that they really were slaves.

But this is all metaplot stuff that very very few people on Rys would know anything about at all. The sort of thing your adventuring party would spend months of gaming to discover. But as you can see the "God War" isn't really a war of the Gods but a huge philosophical shism between these extraplanar beings.

In the case of the creeping power, no one is really ignoring it and those people who seem to be are just using it to their advantage to try and seize power. The evil fellows are something akin to Planar conquerors, they believe themselves to be some sort of master race and spread across the planes dominating them for their own purposes.

They consider it their birthright to lay claim to all the planes and the Ancients and the Stewards are both their enemies.

Second thing cause I think it's important. There are two landmasses because the single massive landmass thing kinda bores me. I like the possibilities for sea adventure which are kind of pointless when you have a single massive continent. The most sea adventure I got from my Lord of the Rings RPG was riding a ship up the river.

There are only two human nations, three if you count the Reavers. However there are many many messy squabbles. New Auric's squabbles are fairly minor because they have abundant resources, space, and a very nasty foe knocking on their door. Most of the squabbles come from lords deciding they want to claim the throne, large bandit groups, etc.

The Duchy of Emerald however claims its superiority to the other nations so fervently that many of their people buy into the illusion. It's not uncommon for there to be seperatist groups, splinter kingdoms, etc, all of whom think they're the most superior. To maintain their appearance of superiority the Duchy is almost constantly battling some internal strife. Of course every other nation knows and no one buys into it.


Another my bad, there is another half-breed species I forgot to include. Half-Olbri are uncommon but they do exist. Also I don't think it'll be possible to avoid all the fantasy parallels however this is where they differ from the races that Lathan compared them to.

Humans-Other Fantasy Humans: While they are jacks of all trades for the most part they are simply retarded as far as higher magic is concernced. You would of course assume then that I'd make them rely on technology but that's the world of the Neseef. Humans in actuality rely entirely upon their warriors to survive.

Their willpower and tenacity makes them formidable opponents in combat, rallying and charging when the other races would cut their losses and leave.

In Auric however they also have the advantage of being willing to live alongside the other races. This was sort of unavoidable with all the trade that goes through there, but they have the mixed culture. So instead of using a human wizard who trips over himself they ask their local T'Jal for help.

T'Jal-Elves: Yeah I noticed that one too however I think you misunderstood me. The T'Jal aren't focused on themselves in fact unlike Elves they're constantly meddling in the affairs of other species. They're simply ignoring the Blight because they want Auric to be beaten down and ripe for the taking. This doesn't mean they're evil jerks though, they're just cold and calculating jerks. Oh and if a T'Jal prances about singing like an Elf he'd probably be considered insane.

Dheca-Halflings: They're not really mercenaries, they're just independent and fervently capitalistic. Instead of fighting for other nations they're trying to defend themselves and keep the trade lanes open.

Olbri-Drow: Somewhat similar, there are differences though. The Olbri unlike the drow aren't evil at all, THEY'RE the mercenary ones. They give out their services to the highest bidder and avoid the conflicts of the other nations as much as possible. However they're not far away from everyone else, no one really bothers to seek them out unless they want someone dead is all. They are however dark and slightly paranoid, mainly because they don't trust the other races because they're the only race who opposed the banishment of the Gods.

Klikrask-Dwarves: Yeah, pretty much, except not all gruff and antisocial. Also they have a thing like bees where the individual is born into his duties.

Primordials: I'll see what I can do, however a little cliche means familiarity. I don't want people spending the whole time wondering what the heck I'm talking about lol.


Currently in the world the Primordials are trying to find the Ancients. They are unable to contact the Stewards and only the Ancients have the knowledge to defeat the Blight. This means survival hinges on the races who lied and got the Ancients exiled locating them and getting them to help.

The Blight is going strong with its holy war to conquer the planes and are beginning to break through Auric's frontlines. If the other nations can't convince or force the T'Jal and Duchy of Emerald to stop their constant attempts at expansion, the Blight will be knocking on Rena's door soon.

That's about it except for the fact that I already had plans for a few other nations, I just held back on using them all in case I had too many. They are;

Kereya [Key-Ree-Yay]: A T'Jal nation whose guilt for being the race that started the lie against the Ancients has caused them to join them in Exile. Their nation is located in the frozen South of Rena and they thwart the search for the Ancients constantly because they don't think the other races deserve their help after what they did.

Domain of Shades: This nation is made up of Olbri who were corrupted by the Blight easily because of their anger over the banishment of the Gods. The other people of Rena don't know the Blight is so close to home and are mostly ignorant of the Domain's true master. They are constantly striking out against the other races in guerilla attacks but they mostly ignore the Kereya because as long as they keep the Ancients hidden the Blight will continue to have the upper hand.

I think I got everything. Hope that clears some stuff up.