Hi Ben, hi everyone!

Finally, I read the game text. Unfortunately, I am not a playtester but just a testreader. The little time I have, I usually use for favourite games of mine and my friends (from time to time I try to slip in a new game I read about, but that rarely happens these days). I really like reading games, though, that’s why I am writing reviews for 6 years now =)

Anyway, I have a few comments. I try to make it short, that's why it is possible that a remark seems rude. It is not meant that way – it is just meant to be short. Also some of the comments are about things that would probably change in a next (and more complete) version of the game. I hope that's ok.

Comments:

Background: I really like the background of the game. The sun being the bad guy seems to be a new idea. If this is an existing myth, I never heard about it. Probably the background is not as accessible as your usual bunch of backgrounds, though. But the rules seem to be pretty universal for this kind of mythic or fairytale-like stories. You could have a game of Arthurian Myth with it, I think. I like that.

Rules: Do you really need to include the chapter “What play looks like”? Everybody knows already. Real newbies won’t even find your game.

Player Roles: The moons give advice to the other players, right? It seems to me that in practice everybody will give advice to everybody else all the time. And that’s the way it should be, I think. It is what Ron refers to as “where the bucket stops”. Everybody gives advice, but one person is responsible and has the final call. If you include that the moons give advice, you actually say that _only_ they are allowed to give advice. As this is not the case in actual play, I probably would delete that from the game text.

Values: “As the name implies, Values are rating numerically from one to five.” I do not get that. What name implies that there has to be a range from one to five? English is not my first language (as you might have guessed), so probably it’s just me.

Speaking of language: Weltschmerz is written without a t. At least in German where the word originates. =)

Protagonist Creation: “You create four protagonists, one for each character.” For what character?

The idea of having people recite something to begin and end protagonist creation is cool. It sets a nice mood of fairy tales.

The whole concept with the circle on the sheet is really cool. I mean, you stole it from sorcerer, but anyway it will really help to invent a story arc (as you explain in the Story chapter).

Scenes: Authority in Odd Situations: I do not get the first paragraph. I actually do not understand it. On the other hand, when a protagonist appears in another protagonist’s scene, he is not played as a protagonist, but as a SC, right? So where is the problem?

Plotting, Secrets: How are you supposed to do that? Do people leave the room for that? That could lead to a lot of waiting for people. Probably, you should comment on that in the game text. People always get bored when they have to wait for other people who left the room or who are writing notes.

Conflict: I have no idea if conflict can really be handled like that. It could be that people get stuck in the initial discussion as it is not specified where the bucket stops. Also I do not know if it is good to separate trait bidding and narration. And I have to admit I have no idea what the temptations do good in the game. But I just read it, I did not play it. Could anybody point out some actual play? Before I really can comment on conflict, I need to know more about it.

Between Scenes: Cool! It is nice to finally see something like that in a game text.

Structure of a story: I do not think that it makes too much sense to talk about the fact that everybody can tell stories, because if you are reading this you are a gamer and already know a lot about telling stories. Nobody would hesitate to invent stories.

I hope this helps a bit. I am looking forward to reading (and hopefully contributing to) further discussion about the game.

Andreas

Thanks very much for your comments! They will be very helpful on the next pass. A few clarifications.

amel wrote: The sun being the bad guy seems to be a new idea. If this is an existing myth, I never heard about it. Probably the background is not as accessible as your usual bunch of backgrounds, though. But the rules seem to be pretty universal for this kind of mythic or fairytale-like stories. You could have a game of Arthurian Myth with it, I think. I like that.

amel wrote:
Rules: Do you really need to include the chapter “What play looks like”? Everybody knows already. Real newbies won’t even find your game.

amel wrote:
Player Roles: The moons give advice to the other players, right? It seems to me that in practice everybody will give advice to everybody else all the time. And that’s the way it should be, I think. It is what Ron refers to as “where the bucket stops”. Everybody gives advice, but one person is responsible and has the final call. If you include that the moons give advice, you actually say that _only_ they are allowed to give advice. As this is not the case in actual play, I probably would delete that from the game text.

amel wrote:
Values: “As the name implies, Values are rating numerically from one to five.” I do not get that. What name implies that there has to be a range from one to five? English is not my first language (as you might have guessed), so probably it’s just me.

amel wrote:
Scenes: Authority in Odd Situations: I do not get the first paragraph. I actually do not understand it. On the other hand, when a protagonist appears in another protagonist’s scene, he is not played as a protagonist, but as a SC, right? So where is the problem?

amel wrote:
Plotting, Secrets: How are you supposed to do that? Do people leave the room for that? That could lead to a lot of waiting for people. Probably, you should comment on that in the game text. People always get bored when they have to wait for other people who left the room or who are writing notes.