This is the first town I've created. (Don't read it, Ryan T.) Any feedback y'all have would be much appreciated. It is inspired by Ken Russell's "the Devils"







What's going on in this town:

Brother Paul has been the Steward in this town for just a year. He's a convert to the faith, not a Mountain person, but from a faraway area where there were less faithful and is a freed person from a slave owning societ. He has a pretty young wife, Sister Alexandra, who is related to one of the dogs.

The town is on the edge of Faithful land and the Territory, bordering a vast area that has only recently become explored/colonized. Thus, there are a lot of non faithful in town as its something of a launching ground for expansion.

It's been a pretty harsh winter, during which a lot of the non-faithfuls were ill prepared. Br. Paul gathered food from the Branch's harvest and distributed it to the non-believers. He has also requested for some Faithful families to host sick unbelievers in there homes. However, it also meant that the Branch had less food over the course of the winter, and some of them were made sick. Br. Edmond, one of the Dogs uncles, has also been affected by loss of his crops.

Sista Alexandra, his wife, resents him. She never wanted to be married to him and is unhappy in the marriage. She's been getting close to Brother Cleary, a young widower, who has had problems with the unbelievers in town. They've been working in a ladies boarding school in town, faithful run, to spread some rumors of a salicious nature with the women of the school (most of whom were placed there because their families couldn't keep them, or because of slight mental inabilities). Sister Callie is the head of the school.

So, what's wrong:

Pride
Sista Alexandra thinks she's too good to be Br. Paul's wife.
The Steward is preaching a message to the Branch about tolerance to the unbelievers, over taking care of his own flock.
Br. Cleary wants to become the new Branch Steward.
Injustice
Sista Alexandra is undermining Br. Paul's influence in the Branch.
She has convinced Br. Cleary to espouse to the Branch rumours that Br. Paul is involved with false prophecy and sin at the Ladies' Boarding School.
She has convinced some of the ladies at the school that Br. Paul is a demon.

Sin
Sista Alexandra has seduced Br. Cleary and the ladies of the Branch and is spreading disunity and deceit.
The ladies of the school are involved in sexual depravity.
Br. Oliver practices worldliness.

Demonic Attacks
Lust.
Fear of Outsiders (spread by Br. Cleary and Br. Paul's apparent care for the non-faithful).

False Doctrine
A woman can love whover they want, and has the will to divorce a man
Faithful can welcome any nonbeliever to their community/homes
A convert is NOT a true faithful

Corrupt Worship / False Priesthood
Sista Alexandra has told the ladies of the school that she will drive out the demons sent by Br. Paul.

What do the townspeople want?
Br. Paul - help unite the community, heal the tension, bring fellowship between outsiders and faithful. help him be a better husband and leader.
Sis. Alexandra - end the marriage to Br. Paul. Marry her to Br. Cleary. Let her run the community w/ Br. Cleary as "steward"
Br. Cleary - make me steward, get rid of the outsiders. Marry Ss. Alexandra
Sis Callie / Ladies School - get independence from the branch and the morality, drive out the demons that Br. Paul has inflicted on the ladies school.
Br. Edmond - give the community a steward they can trust (or make Br Paul into one).

What do the demons want?
They want the cult to grow stronger, intolerance to dominate.

What do the demons want the dogs to do?
Join with Sister Alexandra. Give into lustful behaviors and urges.

What would happen if the dogs didn't come?
Br. Paul would lose stewardship and be killed or driven out by an intolerant community. Demons will whisper new doctrines to the Branch.

Hmm. It seems to me that there's a few missing links. I'm not sure if you know what you're thinking and it's just not there, if you're really not utilizing the hierachy of sins or if I'm just too tired to see it.

When I read and write towns, I tend to look at it as threads that run through the whole ladder of sins. So, one pride leads to one or more injustices, which lead to one or more sins. Demonic attacks happen to make it even worse and the sinners justify their sins through false doctrine. In this one, I see three such threads:

Paul is preaching tolerance at the expence of the flok. This one works up to false doctrine. But it's not mentioned in injustice and pride, which I think it should be (injustice: He puts tolerance above the flock. Sin: He neglects his duties). The demons don't have to work to support it, since it automatically turns to the false doctrine that they should help. You write "can", but it seems that the actual problem is that he preaches that they "should".

Alexandra wants to get rid of him. In her quest to do so, she drags her lover Cleary into it. He wants to become steward, so he follows along happily. They're spreading disunity all the way up to False priesthood. That one seems to work well through the whole hierachy.

The girls in the School are sinning. This one is a weird one, because where's the pride? As I see it, sins don't juse happen. I think you should try filling out the pride and injustice on this one. Why are they sinning?



And just so it doesn't all sound like criticism, I really like how the False doctrines are opposed. It just invites the Dogs to prioritize and judge one of them as more "false" than the others. Juicy...

Simon-

As fate had it, we weren't able to play this town on Sunday... so I have more time to work on this.

thanks for your feedback. I'm definitely going to incorporate that to make it more clear. I want everything to be coherent, and create the opportunity for conflict with all of the NPCs.

I definitely can see the Dogs taking different sides, or taking down the Steward (who is pretty much a decent guy) because of their inherent desire to mistrust authority. But I also want the Steward to be a complex guy who is struggling with his Faith.

With the School Ladies, what I want to convey is that many of them have slight mental disabilities. Sister Alexandra has convinced them that Brother Paul is a demon or has sent demons to them, and sort of encouraged this lustful behaviour. I guess that makes her a Sorceror?

So, would the ladies sins be somewhat sexual in nature? Or is it related to the injustice of locking them up in that convent to begin with? I'm not sure where they are prideful, but they are definitely exploited due to their weakness.

Any further advice would be much appreciated.

mtiru wrote: With the School Ladies, what I want to convey is that many of them have slight mental disabilities. Sister Alexandra has convinced them that Brother Paul is a demon or has sent demons to them, and sort of encouraged this lustful behaviour. I guess that makes her a Sorceror?

So, would the ladies sins be somewhat sexual in nature? Or is it related to the injustice of locking them up in that convent to begin with? I'm not sure where they are prideful, but they are definitely exploited due to their weakness.

I think that if the ladies of the school are sinning and following Sister Alexandra, they don't really need to be listed under Sin--they're a cult (which presumes sin anyway).

Their own sins may have predisposed them to joining it, though, in which case their Pride could be something like "ladies at the school believe they deserve romantic love, regardless of whether it's meant to be" and Injustice could be "the men of the town shun the ladies of the boarding school, as they're quietly considered less desirable." That would set things up for the frustrated-sexuality Sin.

Brendan-

Thanks for making it clear to me the Pride / Injustice around the school girls. That's exactly what I was looking for.

Question for the peanut gallery: were there such a thing as boarding schools or even convents in the old west? how about in the old school mormon faith?

My idea is sort of based on old Catholic nunneries - a storage place for undesirable or wronged women.