For purposes of analysis both general and specific, following is the draft of my back cover text for Passages.

Lose Yourself in a Good Book!

Through the Looking Glass
Treasure Island
The Time Machine

Listen close, friend, and I’ll tell you a secret: The great works of our day aren’t works of fiction at all--they are travelogues, the accounts of those brave souls who plumb the depths of the Book Without End. Read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? No, son, I lived it.

In Passages, you take the role of a passenger venturing into the nigh-limitless array of alternate dimensions, teeming with strange denizens and indescribable danger. Hop aboard the Pequod, cross swords with the Scarlet Pimpernel, and wield Excalibur against the advancing Martian horde. Whatever it takes! Wherever it takes you!

Passages uses an entirely new system of mechanics, based on the popular d20 system, stripped down to its essence, streamlined to maximize role-playing opportunities, and simplified to make a one-shot a viable alternative to board-game night. Character creation doesn't take hours; NPC's can be generated on the fly; combat is cinematic and fast-paced. In the words of the Great Bard: "The play's the thing!"

Written by Justin D. Jacobson and Richard Farrese.
Illustrated by Jennifer Rodgers and Annelisa Ochoa.

[LOGOS: BDG Trident Logo, Bullsyeye 20 logo]
[BAR CODE & ISBN 0-9763795-5-4, price $32.95, product code BDV6101]

Hi, Justin!

I don't think my opinion counts quite as much as the opinions of others on this board(since I'm not a writer or publisher), but here's what I think.

I think you've pretty much covered the importance of the back cover with point #1. Because I think that convention sales and browsing are still very important. I think that holding the physical book in your hands and examining it is still important. People who look at and appreciate your book in person at a con may consider buying it online later if their wallets are empty at the moment.

So, my opinion is that your text works well and describes the book accurately. And I've always thought that your practice of putting a colored version of grayscale interior art on the back cover is a good idea. Not replacing the descriptive text, but accompanying it. Perhaps you could go that route again?

OK, I'm finished. I'd like to see what someone not this close to the project has to say now.

Hi, Jenn, I will likely ask you to do just that. So, if you want to start hunting for a suitable illo to use (maybe more of an action illo), that's fine with me.

And your opinion counts just fine. You'd think with GC looming I wouldn't have discounted the importance in that context. I think that's a great point. While FLGS sales may be highly diminished, convention sales are even more important.

Depending on who your audience is, you might look at the last paragraph:

Passages uses an entirely new system of mechanics, based on the popular d20 system, stripped down to its essence, streamlined to maximize role-playing opportunities, and simplified to make a one-shot a viable alternative to board-game night. Character creation doesn't take hours; NPC's can be generated on the fly; combat is cinematic and fast-paced. In the words of the Great Bard: "The play's the thing!"

The only other purpose I can think of a back cover being used for is if the book is one of those clever two-books-in-one, where the back cover of one is the front cover of the other, and you flip it over to read.

Maybe, if a game required some kind of counters or miniature figures, the back cover stock could have those impressed in it, and the customer punches them out for play. Maybe with little illustrations on the back of the final page that show through the new holes (I'm kind of thinking of the front cover of the Werewolf 2nd Ed book, with the claw slashes through it, except something useful).

As for your product specifically - I agree that convention sales are a good thing to keep in mind. Also, that I don't think anyone picks up a book and doesn't expect it have a blurb, either on the back cover or on the dust-jacket interior leaves, except maybe technical manuals. So it's not just a matter of breaking out of the box - you have to replace it with something just as a valuable as the thing you're getting rid of, because of this customer expectation that you're breaking.

Hope some of that helps....sounds like a neat game!

Conceptually I think your back cover text is heading in the right direction.  I love the opening.  I think its much to wordy, though.  If you want to get more expansive, I'd save it for an introductory page after the title page.  Best I think is for short punchy phrases that focus on the customer for a back cover.

My suggestions:

1) Make the last sentence of the first paragraph "Now you can live it".  This shifts it from a snippet of fiction I can read into something I can visualize myself doing...its not some canonical NPC that lived it...I'll get to do it too.

2) Lose the first sentence of the second paragraph and go right into the list of cool stuff I can do.

3) I think you can chop the entire third paragraph down to essentially "Streamlined mechanics make an evening of roleplaying a viable alternative to board-game night"

And then close with the Bard.

That keeps the gamer lingo (like "one-shot" and "d20" and "cinematic combat") down to a minimum, which makes the text much more accessible.  

It also avoids gamer politics.  As you point out the purpose of the back cover is to get people interested enough to at least crack it open and check it out.  You want it to be a hook, not a filter.  Traveling through the adventures of great literature?  Sounds neat.  Everyone can light up at that.  But say "d20" and immediately lose the d20-haters, say "stripped down and streamlined" and immediately lose the rules-light-haters...etc. Those folks may get filtered out later...but you don't want to filter them out with your back cover blurb.

Editorial Feedback
Make that double-hyphen into an em dash—on a PC, hold down Alt and type 0, 1, 5, 1 on the NumPad. On Mac, I think it's Apple + Opt + hyphen.
I'd change "No son, I lived it" to "live" because it's more active, it tells the players that they could live it now too. Plus, most folks don't initially read "Read" as the past tense, when standing alone like that, so it seems to make a verb disagreement when there isn't one.
Replace the comma between "mechanics, based" with "that is".
Change "make a one-shot a viable alternative" to "make a one-shot session a viable alternative".
"Character creation doesn't take hours" sounds too negative. Rewrite to something like "Character creation is quick and fun".
Remove the apostrophe from "NPC's can be": an acronym or initialism is not made plural with an apostrophe-S: that makes it possessive (e.g. This NPC's favorite tactic is to let other NPCs take the point.).

Functions for Back Cover
First, it is good that you keep the technical stuff (ISBN, price, PN). If nothing else, it makes you look serious. ;)

Second, I think at least a bit of advertising on the back is a good thing. For instance, you can use the covers (front and back) and a couple of interior snippets as an online preview of the rules. Yes, your web page can do that sort of overview, too, but having it on the back cover can serve as on-shelf and on-web (via preview) advertising. And that little block of text, pasted over a larger rendering of the main cover, makes your poster!

Third, there's no real reason your back cover couldn't serve as a site of a key piece of reference material: your expanded DC chart. Consider: your descriptions of difficulties will all be colorful and evocative of the game and setting. You could even eschew the table format and treat it like so:
Characters in Passages can try to:
Follow a suspect through crowded London streets! (DC 15)
Leap from rooftop to rooftop of Dracula's castle! (DC 25)
(etc...)

In short, your examples of DC are identical to examples of feats and game events. Put onto the back cover, it serves as both advertising and a quick reference guide for GMs.

Many older game did this all the time, with their original boxed games: the advertising and pitch could go onto the box, so the manual back covers could be committed to the main charts in each game (I'm thinking of Marvel and Chill and James Bond, here).

HTH;
David
(Maybe a third through proof, BTW—you've bot a LOT of content, in there!)

Valamir is right—and I would never have considered the gamer politics thing.

But, yes, a lot of what you mention as "features" are going to work as filters to possible customers. And as confusing to new players who don't know the jargon.

Cut it.

And, further, a focus on "Now go do it, you!" is a strong idea. I think I was going in that direction with my idea to use the expanded DC chart as a way to pitch the game AND make a reference: all those DC examples tell someone what wiz-bang stuff they can do.

Maybe you could ditch the (xx DC) bit and just have the examples alternate font color in sets of 5 DC increments? Go between, say, blue and black (or whatever colors would be high vis for your background art) every 5 DC, and then put a little note at the very bottom, for GMs, that says something like "The first color of DC examples are DC 5; each color change under that set is +5 DC." In other words, don't even let the mechanics intrude line-by-line but rather let them be evident to someone who knows the game and knows that each color switch is 5 DC more difficult. Quick reference, but not some scary-looking table right in the newbie's face....
David

Italicize "Book Without End," as you have done in the main rules.

Dave's idea for using the cover as a convenient reference for frequently used charts and stuff (formatted to both be useable and look appealing rather than scary) is a good one.

If it were me going that route, though, I'd do that on the inside of the cover, and leave the outside covers as accessible and colorful as possible.  Most good printers can print on the inside of the cover for a small amount extra.

David wrote:
Italicize "Book Without End," as you have done in the main rules.

Justin wrote: What is the function of an RPG's back cover?

(an aside on ISBNs, Bowker "encourages" the ISBN to be both on the title page and on the back cover.  I've heard many of the larger chain stores will not accept books that don't abide by the standards, especially after the move to ISBN-13.  That may be largely irrelevant to our games...but then the only reason to have an ISBN is to have the potential for such, so one might as well do it properly. Similarly barcodes that don't include the MSRP bars can get you rejected as well.

A note to Justin:  You may want to revisit the Bowker site to get their current standards.  Books published in 2006 actually have to list both the ISBN-10 and ISBN-13 numbers to be in "compliance")

Everyone has offered good advice...I don't mean to tell you how to do your back cover but I think I will show rather than tell.  I am not an expert but here is my 2 cents anyway...

Live it for yourself!

Travel through The Looking Glass, to Treasure Island and in The Time Machine as an explorer venturing in alternate dimensions.  Write your own travelouge as you hop aboard the Pequod, cross swords with the Scarlet Pimpernel, and wield Excalibur against the advancing Martian horde!

Passages is streamlined to maximize your roleplaying experiences, making a one shot session a viable alternative to "bored" game night.

"The play's the thing." - Shakespeare

(Credits and techincal stuff)

I tried to streamline your blurb in order to get maximum exposure from the 10 seconds or so most people devote to reading the back copy.  As I post this, I wonder if my rendition is still too long.  I also thought passenger was too passive of a word (of course, I have not read your book either...perhaps it is a more appropriate word than explorer).  I also thought you needed to get to the point of what passages was about.  I used present tense to make it sound more immediate.

Anyway, I hope my demostration helped...if nothing else, it will confirm your initial choice.

Sean

So, similarily...
I have a back cover text I'm working on.

It's intentionally a bit more wordy than some back covers, because it seems to suit more the tone of the game.

I'd love some editing feedback for my cover.
Apologies if you think this is threadjacking.

Perfect is a roleplaying game rooted in a world akin to Victorian era England, but which is under a harsh reign of terror. Laws are constricting to the point of absurdity, and status and fashion have turned into legally-regulated modes of oppression.

The characters you play are people who break the laws in this world.  Whether it is curiosity, bitterness, love or hatred that drives you, you cannot rest at ease.

The Inspectors, men dressed in black suits, sit at every street corner. They watch you, they wait for you to slip up. They wait for the chance to change you; mould you.

This is a world where colour is banned. This is a world where love is against the law.
This is the world of Perfect, and this is where you live.

I'm feeling pushy.

Perfect is a roleplaying game rooted in a world akin to Victorian era England, but which is under a harsh reign of terror. Laws are absurdly constricting to the point of absurdity, and status and fashion have become turned into legally-regulated modes of oppression.

Your The characters you play are people who break the laws in this world.  Whether it is curiosity, bitterness, love or hatred that drives you, you cannot rest at ease.

The Inspectors, men dressed in black suits, sit at every street corner. They watch you, they wait for you to slip up. They wait for the chance to change you; - to mould you.

This is a world where Colour is banned. This is a world where Love is against the law.
This is the world of Perfect, and this is where you live.

This may be a bit out there but I really think that if your game isn't likely to be carried in stores and most of your sales will come from online or con appearances then your back cover is only important as part of your book design. As such, it is important to take advantage of this space and consider it when designing your products appearance. If you don't need the back cover as a selling tool then I think you must take advantage of it as a presentation tool or as a functional part of the product. Either use it as part of the overall physical design that makes your book attractive and interesting and something the owner is happy tto own as a physical object as well as a game, or take advantage of the back cover as a "free page" and use it to present part of your product. Since the back cover will most likely be full color and on a heavier stock it shouldnt be too hard to think of something useful to put there (a GM screen, a character sheet, a map, whatever).

I'd tend to agree with much of what Josh says above.  Will your text be a hardover or paperback?  Keep in mind that the front and back covers should aim both to attract the target market audience AND indicate the content classification of the text. If your book is a reference manual, the back cover will not typically include the level of description that you have posted here.

As ever,
  ACE

The book will be softcover. I'm still deciding between standard-page size (8.5x11) or digest size (5.5x8.5). Obviously, if I go with the latter, I'll probably have to cut the text down a bit. Having recently signed on with Key20 (what took me so long?), combined with convention sales as my primary in-person channels, I'm going to stick to the tradition back-cover function. Thanks to all who posted here--particularly with specific suggestions about my back cover text, which I will be incorporating.

I reckon this thread's about to close, so I'll just make a recommendation: dig up threads on book size (or start a new one). 8.5x11 is a good way to get your book lost in the pile, in my opinion.

Wow, this is a highly technical site.  Apart from the fact that I know nothing of actual publishing (ISBN-10 vs ISBN-13 codes...yeah OK...I know what a bar code is), this thread is very interesting.

In my own experience (17 years), as well as those who I game with, the front cover art grabs the attention (head shifts to cool picture), the title spurs interest (walk over and look at it, turn book over), the back cover draws the potential consumer inside (reads blurb, says "huh, sounds cool").  The book is opened to the first page with either art or a table of contents.  The interior art must be viscerally appealing and the font on the table of contents must be easy to read and the layout of the book as described by the table of contents must make "sense" to the purchaser.  Begin in depth perusal of item.

Granted, this is a fairly specific model, but it is one that I use, and have observed on numerous occasions.  Go to your FLGS and observe the patrons.  The differences arise when an author is well known or a personal favorite, wherein the item is usually quickly picked up and thumbed through to perhaps three individual pages to ensure that the item is up to the expected standards OR when the item is a well reviewed "must have", usually a supplement.  The consumer will then go directly to the item pick it up, may open the book and look for the material of interest, and once located, close the book and head for the counter.

Therefore, it is my opinion that the back cover of the book is vital to the decision to purchase the book.  It becomes even more important when the FLGS decides that perusal is somehow "bad" and covers all of their wares in the abhorrent shrink wrap.  That would mean that the ONLY text the consumer can see is the back cover, so it better be convincing.

It is refreshing to see that topics such as this receive such good input.

-STS

The backcover is the second stage of selling the book. It serves no other purpose-nor should it. It is your sales spiel when you're not there. One more hint, don't make it sound like an advertizement or people's BS shields will go up and the back cover's effectiveness will go right down the tubes.

My theory on  the four stages of cold selling a game. ]

1. The cover to induce the customer to pick up the book.
2. The back cover to get a preliminary feel for the game.
3. Opening the covers to look at the art and see if the customer wants to adventure in that world.
4. Reading to see if the author can write and if the previous three steps are backed up by the game presentation

As for the second question. Try writing it as if one of the characters were talking about the world and then hit with technicalities. Remember people read  books for leisure time and technical manuals for work.

Best of Luck,
Keith

Hi guys,

This thread is just old enough to be about closeable ... even so, I would say "go for it" and keep discussing, except that the points of discussion were pretty solidly resolved. I think it's time to let this thread rest in peace, from this point on.

Best, Ron