Hey all,

I haven’t been on this sight it a while, it seems to have changed a bit...

I’m working on a fantasy wargame (though one where I’m trying to borrow RPG elements) called “Escape From Illeria.”  The design blog is http://stumpsfirstgame.blogspot.com/.  Right now I’m struggling with the backstory, and want people’s thoughts on if it makes sense.  Below I have attached the description that is going on the inside front cover. 

If anyone would be willing to read it, I have the following questions about the backstory:
1) Does it make sense?  Do you have a good understanding of the world from this description?
2) What questions are you left with after reading this?  And are these questions, “This sounds cool and I want to learn more,” questions, or, “I didn’t understand this and it frustrates/confuses me,” questions.
3) Does the world seem to be internally consistent?  If not, then what does not make sense?
4) Does this story sound similar to other fantasy stories out there?  Has anything like this been done before?  Are the historical references in the story at all obvious?
5) What do you think?  Does this sound like an interesting world?

(As I said, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here.  If these kinds of questions are not what this site is for, then I apologize, and feel free to delete this.)

My backstory:

"If you are reading this, it means you have found my notebooks. Most likely, I am no longer of this world, or any world for that matter. These books are my research journals. They chronicle my discoveries, indeed our discoveries, along with the rise and downfall of Illeria. What happened on this island must never be forgotten.

Though I hardly believe it myself, ten short years ago. King Paris ruled Avon, there was peace, and all was right with the world. Back then magic was a purely esoteric subject. It was an art, just as music or history are arts. It was never of practical use. Why learn to make fire with your fingers, when a flint and tinder are easier to learn? King Paris hired us to be scholars of magic, because he so enjoyed learning, and because we entertained him.

His death left a power vacuum, and lead to a bloody war of succession. His youngest son, Balthazar, rose to power by being the meanest and scariest of the litter. Though the war took its toll on him. A near death from an assassin’s bullet left him with a profound sense of paranoia, and shaped many of his future policies. He began rounding up those that he mistrusted, and established forced labor camps to put them in. It should be no surprise that a small faction, still loyal to his dead brother Montano, soon rebelled.

The Battle of the Roses will forever be a day that changed the world. As Balthazar’s army closed in, a small regiment of men-at-arms came to stop them. Thinking the battle would not last an hour, Balthazar’s generals sent their forces in, only to discover that the men-at-arms were supported by a group of wizards. As arrows turned around to shoot their owners, horses became spooked and kicked off their masters, and bolts of energy spat from the ground, the armies of Balthazar became panicked and fled. Magic had officially left the ivory tower. This victory turned the entire tide of the war, and sealed our fate.

Before I knew what was happening, large men appeared at my door, tied me up, and placed a bag over my head. When it was removed, I found myself on the prison island of Illeria, surrounded by a dozen or so fellow wizards. A man with a large sword told us that King Balthazar now wanted us to take what we knew of magic, and use it to develop weapons for his generals. He said that any who refused to cooperate would be drowned in the ocean. And thus, we began spending day after day, slaving away in our makeshift labs and our makeshift libraries. Conditions were not always safe, and we soon found ourselves setting fire to our laboratories, and unleashing monsters on the land. We turned an art made for creating knowledge into a tool made for inflicting human misery.

At night they kept us locked away with the other prisoners. At first I thought I would be skinned alive, but soon came to realize that the thugs on this island were profoundly superstitious, and that we instilled fear into them. Though the common law prisoners had previously terrorized and ruled the political prisoners, that they would not touch us. The other wizards and I leveraged this power, We brought peace and community to where there was once fighting.

But still, we continued to study the art of magic. We discovered many things; how to heal wounds, how to call animals from nothing, and how to make steel walk on its own. Many of them are written within these pages. Our greatest discovery, however, was when we learned of the Spirit World. The Spirit World is a world unlike ours. The laws which govern our world seem not to apply there. It’s like a dream that you never awake from. You discover that you have a second soul, and it is through this soul that you are able to traverse the Spirit World.

Though every other discovery was eventually taught to Balthazar’s guards and generals, the Spirit World remained a secret. It was so easily hidden, and so miraculous and beautiful, that we never wanted to see it become a weapon. Little did we know what was to come.

As rumors began floating that Balthazar had crushed the rebellion, the political prisoners became nervous as to what would happen to everyone. Soon, we began plotting to overthrow the guards and claim Illeria as our own. Knowing we would be useless without weapons, the other wizards and I began teaching our fellow inmates how to use magic. We even showed them the spirit world, and how to tap into its great source of power. When the uprising came, the guards did not stand a chance.

Before the uprising, plans had been made for a new government, and a new way of life on the island. But as soon as the guards were gone, we realized just how little food and supplies there were on the island. All our noble goals for a new society crumbled, and we began fighting amongst ourselves. What’s worse, now that the common law prisoners had learned to use magic, they no longer feared it, and the prison gangs of old began to reform. Soon, there was nothing but anarchy and death."

Thanks in advance!

Simon

Okay, I think my last post was too long.  If anyone would be willing to read an abridged version, it is below.  Again, mainly what I am hoping for is whether you think the backstory makes sense, or whether many parts in it seem like they would never happen (you know, once you’ve suspended disbelief enough to allow for magic).  Also, if you have any questions after reading this, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.  I am still working on creating a world that seems at least somewhat realistic. 

“A brief time ago, King Paris ruled the land, and magic was a purely academic and esoteric subject.  It was studied as an art, rather than for anything useful.

When King Paris died, there was a terrible war of succession between his three sons.  His youngest son, Balthazar, came into power.  During the war, Balthazar was nearly assassinated, and it instilled in him a deep sense of paranoia.  When he became king, he created a system of forced labor prison camps, and which he began filling with political prisoners (in addition to common-law criminals). 

Soon, there was a rebellion against Balthazar.  Several wizards joined with the revolutionaries, and began creating weapons for them.  This allowed for great success in early battles.  Because of this, Balthazar rounded up every wizard he could, and sent them to the prison island of Illeria.  On Illeria, they were forced to develop new forms of magic, create magical weapons, and otherwise do magical research, in order to aid the war effort.  Those who were not producing enough were killed.

Despite being locked away with political prisoners and criminals, there was an eerie peace on Illeria, mainly because the common-law criminals were superstitious of the wizards.  After a great deal of time, plans were made for revolt.  All of the prisoners would band together, overthrow the guards, and create a new society.  Because there were so few weapons on the camp, the wizards taught the other prisoners how to use basic forms of magic (albeit, with some difficulty). 

The uprising was swift, and the guards did not know what hit them.  However, in the aftermath, it was discovered that there was not enough food or resources to go around.  Soon, any high ideals of a new society crumbled, prison gangs reformed, at it quickly became every-gang for themselves.”

(and thus, when the game begins, you control a single party of prisoners, many of whom will be amateur wizards, capable of using limited or unreliable magic; games surround battles which take place between opposing parties)

Simon

Hi Simon!

As for me, I read your long post and just didn't find time to reply properly until now. Maybe others join in, now that a beginning is made:

1) Does it make sense?  Do you have a good understanding of the world from this description?

2) What questions are you left with after reading this?  And are these questions, “This sounds cool and I want to learn more,” questions, or, “I didn’t understand this and it frustrates/confuses me,” questions.

3) Does the world seem to be internally consistent?  If not, then what does not make sense?

4) Does this story sound similar to other fantasy stories out there?  Has anything like this been done before?  Are the historical references in the story at all obvious?

5) What do you think?  Does this sound like an interesting world?

Thank you so much for the response.  Glad to hear you liked it.  This was really helpful.

The idea I have is that in this world, magic is just like any other form of human knowledge.  Think of it as something like advanced computer programming or statistics, it is something that anyone can learn, but only if they possess the right teachers and the proper motivation and patience.  No one really paid much attention to it before the civil war, because they didn't really see a use in it.  However, when it was discovered that you could use it to win a battle, then there was a sudden desire for everyone to become "magic-savvy."  The wizards on Illeria were forced night and day to develop new forms of magic, and teach it or give it to Balthazar's generals, so that they could fight with it.  However, the wizards eventually figured out that they could teach this to the other prisoners.  I'll either try to make that more clear, either in here or in following text.  Would it be more clear initially if instead of calling them, "wizards," I called them "scholars of magic," or something to that effect?

So, the unanswered questions are a) the political and societal structure of Avon, b) the structure of Illeria (did you mean pre-revolt, or afterwards?) c) what prompted the uprising, and d) how is it that normal people can use magic.  Am I leaving anything out?

Oh, quick question, what did you mean, "we don't understand what influenced the people that are now trapped on Illeria"? 

Also, I'd be curious about the ideas for problems that are popping up in your head.  (The story is still slightly in development, and I'm still thinking if I need a "what's next," or if the game can just start from here)

Anyway, thanks again!

Simon

It sounds interesting, but I do have some questions of internal consistency. On one hand you have magic being so difficult that no one wants to spend a long time to learn how to light a candle, but you can apparently spend enough time to make fire come out of the ground and consume your enemies. So, if I were comparing a wizard to the time and effort needed to train a mounted knight or a quality longbowman, if it were only a year or two more for "consume my foes with gushing gouts of flame", then hells yeah I'd go for the wizards!

Humans being what they are, if magic had this level of potential all along it seems that someone would have taken advantage of it long before. Even if it had not ushered in wizard-kings, the legends of powerful magics would have been there, and with the genuine existence of magic, been a constant source of experimentation by wizards curious, ambitious or both.

Second, if wizards are capable of this level of power, then putting them in a conventional prison does not seem to be a viable option. Especially when you put them there so they can work together to make even more powerful magics!

Escape plan, step 1: Learn how to fly (or walk on water, or turn yourself into a fish, whatever).
Escape plan, step 2: Escape!

The rise of powerful magic and its ability to change the world (the gameworld) is an interesting idea, but I personally see some holes in the way it is presented. It could be that I am missing something that is actually in the background, but not included in the backstory narrative, since it is written from the point of view of one person, who might not have all the information. But, you asked for opinions on the internal consistency, and thats my 2 cents on what was presented.

Greg

First of all I'd like to second btrcs statement. I too had that thought too yesterday while I was talking a walk and didn't find any statisfying solution. The wizards would have to make a really new discovery to use magic more efficient, maybe because they did it as a group? Otherwise Avon and its civilization or magic itself might still be a very young, dunno. Anyway, lets head to your feedback:

I'll either try to make that more clear, either in here or in following text.  Would it be more clear initially if instead of calling them, "wizards," I called them "scholars of magic," or something to that effect?

So, the unanswered questions are a) the political and societal structure of Avon, b) the structure of Illeria (did you mean pre-revolt, or afterwards?) c) what prompted the uprising, and d) how is it that normal people can use magic.  Am I leaving anything out?

Oh, quick question, what did you mean, "we don't understand what influenced the people that are now trapped on Illeria"?

Also, I'd be curious about the ideas for problems that are popping up in your head.

Anyway, thanks again!

Thanks for your responses.  They’ve been really thoughtful.  This has been really helpful to think about, and I’d much rather hear criticisms from you folks than from critics after the game has been published. 

You’re right, it doesn’t make a lot of sense that wizards were so quick to go from being too weak to be noticed to making the ground explode.  And it doesn’t make sense that magic would become so powerful on its own without someone trying to use it.  How about these for fixes:

The society of Avon has somewhat recently come out of being purely subsistence (like, Ancient Greece, or early Renaissance?).  The development of magic really requires a learned class, people who can be paid by the king to do nothing but sit around and think about magic.  As this is only more recently appeared in the society, magic hasn’t been developed to its fullest extent. 

Why do kings sponsor it?  Well, for the same reason that kings always sponsor learned researchers, they think it might bring an eventual benefit, and as a way of showing off who has the best country (“What did I tell you, only an Avonian could be the first to learn to make butterflies”). 

btrc wrote:
Humans being what they are, if magic had this level of potential all along it seems that someone would have taken advantage of it long before.

Marco wrote:
- Most importantly: Who stops the egoists from wrecking the whole island until only they and some subordinates remain there? What stops them from slaughtering each other afterwards?

I'll try not to be too picky, but I'll make a few points that might be worth addressing.

The development of magic really requires a learned class, people who can be paid by the king to do nothing but sit around and think about magic.

Like, there has always been uranium, but before you can build a nuclear reactor, you need to know about radioactive decay, which requires a working model of the atom, which requires understanding that there are these things called atoms, and so on.

Hey Greg, thank so much for your response.  If you want to be more picky, I would actually really appreciate that.  As I said, better to get this from you now than reviewers once the game is published. 

I have a few questions and thoughts about your responses.

btrc wrote:
Even subsistence tribes and hunter-gatherers can have shamans.

btrc wrote:
For your analogy to be correct, people would have had to have been using uranium all along, just in an inefficient manner. Magic is not something new, you are merely using the same thing in a vastly more powerful way.

btrc wrote:
It seems to me an obvious solution is a change in the way magic works, one which occurred over time and simply went unnoticed.

btrc wrote:
If wizards are a "game changer", their abilities have to be game changing.

Most of these order-of-magnitude shifts have taken generations.  Where is the difference with magic?