I have finished the first draft of Criterion City. I feel my writing is not as strong as it could be. Also I have only play tested a couple of times, so the mechanics seem fine...so far. I would liek to hear any thoughts on that as well. any criticism is welcome.

Criterion City

What differentiates your game? Why should we play? What is it similar to, so readers have a frame of reference while approaching? You use the terms Wraith and Arete, reminding me of the late 90's White Wolf games. Is it similar to those?

I skimmed your document, but didn't find a a game summary. It looks like the trials the players face is uncovering their past?

Give us a game summary, an "elevator pitch" as it were, to convince us that studying your document will be rewarding for us.

thank you for your feedback. I guess V002 will have an intro section on what the game is, as apparently I forgot it. my bad.

In Criterion City you play someone who awoke a year ago with no memory and super powers. The Wraith, something bad from outside the city, seem to want to destroy you and the city; they are drawn to you. The City Council wish to control you. The populous at large fear you and respect you and seek your help in regaining their memories.

This game is about super heroic action mixed with the mystery of who you were/are. The game shares elements with Big O, Dark City, The Bourne Identity, and Waiting For Godot.

Is that enough? Sorry, elevator pitches and summaries were never really my strong suit. I was never a very good salesman.