My gaming group, all four of us, got together last night. For the first time in months, Joe was able to come to the game. We thought about going back to the fantasy game I had been running but nobody remembered too much about where we left off and Joe said he was in the mood for something different. "I've got just the thing," I said and pulled out "Kill Puppies for Satan." Because it was spur of the moment, I ran the introductory adventure from the rules.

Tom played Screw Driver, a big mean guy who knew Gerald because he killed Gerald's ex-girlfriend's puppy and screwed pieces of it to her door.

Lori played Gloria ("call me Goria") who knew Gerald because she killed Gerald's neighbor's annoying puppy.

Joe played Bob who knew Gerald because he bummed food from Gerald. I told Joe that Gerald was a ghoul, and he said that was okay. Gerald sometimes bought real food so people wouldn't think he was a ghoul but then he had no use for it and gave it to Bob.

There were three other people at the party: Rosalie, Mark, and Wayne. Mark was a great big guy with comic books, Magic cards, and 20-sided dice in his pockets. Wayne was a skinny guy who wanted to go to a movie. Rosalie looked through the three CDs Gerald had borrowed from the library hoping to find Skinny Puppy or Ministry, but the best she could come up with was Van Halen. Screw drank 7-Up from one of the pitchers, Goria licked icing off the candles and put them back in the carrot cake, and Bob stuffed his pockets with fried chicken.

When Franklin showed up and told everyone about Gerald being locked up at Willard, Screw and Rosalie started yelling at him for leaving Gerald. Franklin ran away but not before the PCs made him cough up five bucks for gas money since they were going all the way over to Willard to get Gerald.

Most of the session took place at Willard. Screw left his pickup truck (with an old sofa in the back) in the fire lane and Goria managed to con the security guard into parking it in the garage. While he was doing that, she stole some keys and old copy of Swank (a birthday present for Gerald) from the guard's kiosk.

Bob and Screw managed to bluff their way to the high-security area but Stew the nurse didn't want to let them in to see Gerald. Instead, he called out Dr. "Coach" Weinel who didn't want to release Gerald. Screw started hitting up Coach for a job as an orderly, and Coach invited Screw back to his lab for an "interview." Screw held some probes while Coach asked questions about latent homosexuality, his relationship with his mother, and anger management classes. Screw is a mean guy and was able to shrug off most of the electric shocks.

Meanwhile, Goria and Rosalie were wandering around elsewhere in the building where they found a couple of patients including Standon Waide III who got a lighter off of them. Bob snuck into the high-security wing and tried doors until he found one that was open. Inside, Dr. Baroak was placing spiders onto a strapped down and screaming young woman. Bob told the doctor that Coach wanted her to help with Gerald. When she went off to Coach's lab, Bob dumped the rest of the spiders on the woman and left.

Dr. Baroak got pissed off when Coach said he didn't need her help and she stormed off to yell at Stew. Screw convinced Coach that they should go get Gerald for his treatment and Screw would help since he was going to be an orderly. While Coach was getting some sort of electrical contraption ready to put on Gerald's head, the rest of the crew showed up at the door to the lab. Using the keys she stole from the kiosk, Goria opened the door. On seeing them arrive, Screw knocked Gerald to the floor and slammed the gizmo on Coach's head. At the same time Bob shoved a needle full of morphine into Coach's ass. The combination of pain and painkiller didn't work quite as either one had planned but it did knock Coach out.

Goria put on Coach's lab coat, taking off his name tag and replacing it with her name tag from Wendy's. Screw got an orderly's coat, Bob grabbed a wheelchair, and they pushed Gerald out of the hospital. Stew yelled at them that he needed the blue copy, the admitting nurse yelled that she needed the salmon copy, but they kept going. When the guard outside tried to stop them, Screw, who was pissed off because the guard moved his truck, grabbed the guard's taser and shocked him. They loaded everybody into the truck and crashed through the gate as smoke curled from the window of Standon Waide's room in the hospital.

Back at the Motel 6, they found that Mark had eaten all the food and somebody, probably Wayne, had stolen the Van Halen CD. But it was all good because they hit a squirrel on the way over to curb Gerald's hunger, they had the gas money from Franklin to get a pizza, and Gerald's favorite CD was still there. As they wheeled Gerald out in his new wheelchair, John Denver's "Annie's Song" played from the boombox and Gerald said, "This is the best birthday ever!"

The game was just great. The players all got into it. We rolled dice maybe a half dozen times so we didn't really do much with the mechanics. The hardest part for me was trying to remember what my high school looked like so I could model the hospital.

This is already too long, but I've got to say one last thing: "Kill Puppies for Satan" does the best job of combining a clear explanation of the rules with a writing style that communicates the atmosphere of the game of any rpg rules I've ever read. It's absofuckinlutely brilliant.

[edited to fix some typos]

Maurice!

That's so sweet! I'm happy that Gerald had a good birthday after all.

Hitting Franklin up for gas money to get to Willard is beautiful, and so is the Wendy's nametag. Tell your players I love them.

How'd y'all do with playing such unlikeable characters?

I've received 6 hatemails about puppies, all from women. I'm very interested in Lori's experience of the game. Is she a Forge person? Can I beg her thoughts?

Are you thinking of playing it again?

Also, um, a big right on from the collective nerd population of my high school gym class for the grief you did to Dr. Coach.

-Vincent

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Gerald,
Happy birthday to you!

But what about Dr. Skippy?

Best,
Ron

Lori had the hardest time getting into character because she's not used to playing characters like Goria, but she got into it after awhile. She ended up being more mischievous than evil and turned it up a notch or two over the level of mischievousness she usually likes to play. The guys got into it right away. I think a lot of real-world stress was worked off last night.

We didn't get to Dr. Skippy or a big fight with the guards because we were getting pressed for time. It was okay, though, because the ending was so great.

I'd love to run it again sometime. Vincent, my offer still stands: If you get down this way, I'll run a game for you. I've got experienced players now.