Hi, Gwen.

Gwen wrote: I will be using this system for a few of them longer games I have thought up and just want to get opinions on it- where it needs improvment, reworking, etc.

I found that "6 sides dice" was hard to read. Try something like: "six-sided dice or D6" instead.

I feel that "Professions" as used in section two is the wrong word. I'd suggest using "Broad skills" or "Skill Areas". That's because "Profession" means to me, something like, "I've been a computer software engineer for Hewlett-Packard for the past ten years,..."

For section three "Belongings", I feel that you're falling into the same problem that GURPS has in points costing equipment that can be easily purchased by money or even bartered for.

I've noticed that in the section on "Soul" that you mention other games application of Soul as a limit on cyberware or genetic modification. Don't bother doing comparing your game to other games in the game text, particularly when this adds nothing but noise to your game. The reader can make their own comparison with other games.

Gwen wrote: Also, I am very new to making PDFs, tell me if this is a good way to do the layout before I go typing up the other games.

The overall layout seems OK. I would make these changes to make it better:


• Have just one space after punctuation. Remember that with computers and PDF, you're doing the final layout; there's no need any more for the traditional typewriting in fixed format with two spaces after punctuation.
• Either have indented paragraphs with no line space between or unindented paragraphs with line space between. Don't have both! :) Of the two, I'd prefer the first as it matches the text found in professional publications and magazines. Remember to remove the first indent after each heading.
• Combine sentences into paragraphs. It seems every second or third sentence is a paragraph!
• Remove the full justification. Instead just use left justification, as it's easier on the reader and doesn't cause "rivers" of white space to appear vertically.



I feel the left and right margins are set too wide.

Also for page layout, get some professional publications that you like and consistently imitate their layout.

Gwen wrote: PS: This is titled "DefinitiveRPG" not out of ego, but because I have like 30 drafts running around and needed to title it something so I knew it was the one I was working on. Hence, "Definitive" rpg. :)

That might be because your RPG seems to lack a focus or goal? It's got a number of mechanics in it, yet the examples were all over the place. Can you see that the game starts, expands into lots of rules options, but then doesn't focus or go any where?

I hope that helps!

I found that "6 sides dice" was hard to read.

That was a typo, but thanks for telling me. I'll make sure to fix that.

I feel that "Professions" as used in section two is the wrong word.

I was hoping that this word would help players understand that these "skill packets" they were buying should be titled as jobs, giving them titles like "Swordsman," "Blacksmith" or "Diplomat." That way it's more indicitive of who they are, opposed to just what they can do.

Of course, I'm not opposed to changing the word, but I'd want one similar to "Profession."

For section three "Belongings", I feel that you're falling into the same problem that GURPS has in points costing equipment that can be easily purchased by money or even bartered for.

This is true, but these point costs are just for character creation. Afterwards, Belongings can be purchased, but their cost is directly related to positive and negative modifiers on such items.

I've noticed that in the section on "Soul" that you mention other games application of Soul as a limit on cyberware or genetic modification. Don't bother doing comparing your game to other games in the game text, particularly when this adds nothing but noise to your game. The reader can make their own comparison with other games.

Good advice!


Also, your reccomendations for the layout are veyr much appreciated. I will probably make those changes very soon! Thanks again!

That might be because your RPG seems to lack a focus or goal?

Well, the system of course does lack a focus and a goal. This is intentional because I have a few different game worlds which I want to use this system for.

The actual games will provide the focus.

Thanks for the ideas again! Let me know if my explainations helped and let me know if you have some other ideas for used to use in lieu of "profession"

Thanks!

Gwen