Well Hello everyone, I've been working on my rpg now and found this place...first of all let me say i am liking it!

Ok, to get on with it. I have created (for the most part it is not finished) an rpg that I call Crimson Angels. The link is (For the rules):

http://arthis0.tripod.com/Crimson/Table_Of_Contents.html

Now what I need is some people to tell me what I am doing wrong with it and if it is any good. Thanks guys! (Oh yes, i hope this is in the right place to post)

After perusing the listed information for a bit, I have seen a few things...

A few questions come to mind. First, and hear me out here, what, exactly, does your game have that cannot be serviced by Dungeons & Dragons? Don't get me wrong, it very well may have something far beyond D&D... For an example of about as good as it gets regarding Fantasy or Dark Fantasy, look at The Riddle of Steel. DAMN!

Now, then, what are you offering a gamer that a d20 fantasy game doesn't offer?

Ron Edwards has a couple of great articles on this subject:

http://indie-rpgs.com/articles/9/
and
http://indie-rpgs.com/articles/10/

Now, after reading that, my big question is this: do you fall into this category? And, if so, how do you prevent it?

The most important realization should be this: if what you are doing could be better summarized as a supplemental world to d20 fantasy, then maybe you should pause and think about how you are approaching the design, and if there aren't aspects of the design that could be expanded and focused upon, while others could take a basckseat and have little to do with the game (just a suggestion, don't have a skill list to pick from... either have a few skills, and everyone has them, or don't have skills -- this won't correct or change any inherent flaws or strengths, it's merely an odd fixation of mine).

Anyway, I hope that helps, and keep me updated as to what happens.

Dav

Ok i understand. Thanks (This kind of feed back is what i really need)

Ok, after some thinking and looking around I’ve started to re-structure the rules a tad (Not the story).

Here is the Character Generation part that I’ve come up with and would like some feed back about it.


Character Creation

The Basics:
Name:
This is a given, every character needs a name to go by.

Gender:
The gender of your character has no real value to the game, this is just to help customize your character.

Race:
There are several types of species that are capable of being played as a Character (capable of such thoughts). Some species are not capable of being played, this is because they are not intelligent enough to be used. The different species give a different bonus to your bodies attributes. The Races are as follows: Blintons, Derkins, Dragos, Humans, Sel’Pons and Underlings.

Blintons: Since Blintons are blind they are panelized at start with -1 to their Body attribute. This is however off set with the +1 to their Mind attribute.

Derkins: The Derkins have a powerful faith in the Crimson Angel that changed them from their primitive existence. This is why they gain a +1 bonus to their Soul attribute.

Dragos: The Dragos are built tough, their bodies are quite strong but they are slow in thought. They receive a +1 to their Body attribute and -1 to their Mind attribute.

Humans: Humans were the first creation of the Chilrin, made in almost perfection (in their creators eyes) and capable of many deeds. Human characters may decide to have a +1 bonus on one of the three attributes (anyone who placed the bonus on the Soul attribute then you are considered a wizard).

Sel’Pons: Sel’Pons are quick agile creatures and very intelligent (at least the females of the species are). They gain a bonus of +1 to both Body and Mind attributes.

Underlings: Underlings are small, but do not confuse that with weakness. Most Underlings are stronger (and just as smart as a Human) then many full grown Humans. They gain a +2 bonus to their Body Attribute.

The Bio:
This is not totally need for other players, but should be more as a helpful tool on how to play your character. Writing this will give you ideas on how to play this character, such as giving you help on how they would act in different situations and why. Put some thought into this, give specific details on their past.

The Attributes:

There are Three attributes which are represented by MIND, BODY and SOUL.

Mind: Mind represents how smart you are, how quick you learn, and various things that the mind handle. A high Mind attribute score will allow you to counter the addictive affects of magic, Learn more skills easily and perhaps even get you a good paying job.

Body: The body attribute represents how quick your reflexes are, your strength, stamina, and the overall conditioning of your body. Good scores will allow you to carry more, see father, move faster and perhaps survive mortal wounds.

Soul: The Soul attribute represents your faith to the Crimson Angel, your connection with the life force known as magic, and how willful you are. Good scores will allow you to create more potent (and potentially dangerous) magic spells, allow you to continue down your destined path while other would have stopped.

At the Start of the game (At Age 10) you will have 7 points to allocate between the three attributes. Each point represents One d12 (a 12 sided die). As your attribute score rises so does the amount of dice (d12) you have to roll for a desired affect.

Example:
I wanted to play as a Human boy age 10 (Jake we‘ll call him). Well I would say he was fairly dumb, so I would put 2 points to Mind. He would be in great shape because he lived in the woods and climbed trees lot, so I would put 3 down for the Body. At this age he has very little connection with the gods (skipped a lot of Church let’s say) and knows only that Magic exists, so the remaining 2 points will go here. Wait a Minute, he is a Human, So he will gain a +1 bonus to any attribute that I wish. I’ll put this to his Body. So his scores would look like this:
Mind: 2
Body: 4
Soul: 2

As your character ages he or she will gain +2 points for every year that they age until they reach Adulthood. You may add these points to any of the three attributes. During Adult Hood they gain no points nor do they loose any. During Middle age they begin loose their points at the rate of -1 a year. Once they reach Old Age they begin to loose their points at the rate of -2 a year. You may subtract from any attribute that you wish, but remember if any reach 0 then your character dies of natural causes. (See more in The Characters Age)

The Characters Age:
Unless stated otherwise by the Lead player (Think Gm) all characters will start at the age of 10 and will age through out game play (this is also up to the Lp, as he or she sets the pace of the game). Each Race has a different life span, some reach adulthood earlier and some slower. Here is a chart of when each reach Adult Hood, Middle Age and Old Age.

Race Adult Hood Middle Age Old Age

Blintons 18-20 34-36 50-53
Derkins 16-18 30-32 46-49
Dragos 19-20 35-37 52-55
Humans 18-20 34-36 50-53
Sel'Pons 15-17 29-31 43-46
Underlings 21-24 40-42 58-63


Notice that each age category is different. That is because everyone grows and ages a little bit differently. Your character could reach adult hood at age 19 or 18(that is if you were a Human character or Blinton). Now to see when you stop aging Roll 1 D12, the number you are trying to get is 9 or above (+9). If you achieve this then your character will continue in this category until he has to roll again and fails, rolls again and succeeds or reaches the max age limit in that category.

The Continuation of your Legacy:

The first and most important thing you should realize is that your character is not Immortal. Your character (despite your best efforts) will eventually die. This can from many reasons, from death in battle to dieing in his or her bed while they sleep from old age. Now that this pointed out you should be saying that sucks… Yes it does! Life is not fair so why should this game be?

So, before you die you should raise a child (To the age at least too 10) before your character passes on. They are not the same, but your character can teach the child (from which you will play once your character dies) and he or she will eventually become your replacement. You must be asking yourself why? That is a good point, but do not fear these children are actually better then your starting characters. Until they reach the age of ten then receive +1 point which they can us to put towards their attribute scores (So 10 points to start with!).

There are several ways to gain a new child, Childbirth NPC, Childbirth Player and Adoption. Childbirth NPC means that you have a child with a NPC (None Player Controlled). Childbirth Player means that you will have a child with another players character (it is up to the players to decide who plays the child and yes you can have more then one child!). Adoption is where you take a child into your care that has no one to care for them in their lives.

Get make a child your character must have had some kind of intercourse (Rape, Mutual intercourse, and so forth…) with the opposite sex Or go to an adoption house where they can pick out a child from the age of 1-10. If you choose to make a child through intercourse you Roll D12 and check chart:

Roll Affect of Roll
1-5 A perfectly heathy child, Congratulations
6-9 We are sorry to inform you that your child did not make it and has died shortly after birth.
10-12 Congratulations you've got twins that are perfectly healthy!


PS: I wasn't sure on how to get those charts too work in the post...