Element - CCG

[mangaocid]

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/Mangoacid

my bad...error in typing. Should be fixed now

[Veritas Games]

"Dual Wield - Dual Wield allows a character to carry two weapons at the loss of a shield.  This can give benefits in combat, but only when attacking."  Change this to "Dual Wield -- If a character with the Dual Wield power is not using a shield he may use up to two weapons.  This is an exception to the normal rule that a character may only have one of each sub-type of Item (see the rules on Items)."

Change the card anatomy picture to say "Card Type" and "Card Sub-Type" instead of "Character Type & Sub-Type" and apply that layout to all cards.

Look through the Item rules and change the "type" word to "sub-type".  You'll have cards that are Type "Item" and Sub-Type "Weapon".  Search throughout the document with a global find and make sure the word "Type" is used consistently.

Can a response eliminate an attacker before it deals damage to its target?  Similarly, what happens if an attack is declared and the defender is somehow eliminated before the attacker and defender deals damage?  Address this if necessary.  

Search your text for words that should be possessive.  No apostrophes are used in lots of places.

"If there are characters in the Protector
must be eliminated before being able to attack the Major Character."  Move that sentence from play phases to the Combat target selection part of the rules.  It'll be clearer there.

By the way, if all minor characters go into the Protector Row, but only certain Minor characters are Protectors, this is bloody confusing.  Probably change this to the "Minor Characters" row.

Since you have many zones of play, come up with a simple diagram (you can use squares and text) showing the play layout that is recommended.

Pick different colors (bright colors) for the Kanji characters in the rules.  They are hard to see right now.  Make them more bold if possible (wider strokes) so that the color is more obvious.

Don't forget to add a hit point total to the minor character in the diagram and in the sample card, and if you add a 2/0 strength/defense score to the major character .

When you redo the character images, make sure the Kanji there matches the color of the Kanji in the rulebook.

Hope that helps.

If you handle these, you are probably pretty close to a workable first draft, DJ.

[mangaocid]

Lee,
 I'm glad to see now that what you're saying it was i'm thinking as I re read rules. I'm catching on to the ideas a lot better now. For instance, I had been trying to figure out a diagram for the zone layout - and it is now in the rules.

Also, I adjusted the image of the Major Chararcter Demo card. It now has 2/0 strength/armor.

I re arranged the rules a bit to make it more coherent and orderly. changed the "Protector Row" to the "Minor Character Row". The reason I hadn't changed it yet was I just added the pretender and protector as separate character sub types, and hadn't made the Row change. Pretenders in the story itself act as though they are the Elements. It's pretty cool, so they will be a major part in the game...protectors will more than likely have the interference ability.

I saw what you meant by the type and sub type, and hopefully I caught it all. Just let me know if It's still not fixed.

Other than that, I think it's all set....take a listen sir and I'm all eyes.

The Floor is Open.

DJ

[Veritas Games]

Sample image (outside of rulebook) still says "Character Type" and "Character Sub-Type".  It should say "Card Type" and "Card Sub-Type".

Use grey lines or colored lines to point out areas of the sample character.  Right now Character Type and Character Life lines look like they converge.

Major Character sample image needs Strength/Armor 2/0. Maybe I'm having web caching problems, but when I looked he wasn't "2/0".

Recommend that Unique discards apply only when you have two "face up" copies, that way you can play a Unique character as a resource face down without obliterating the other face up copy.

Do you have rules on attaching cards?  Even a sentence?  You use the term twice, but don't define it.  I know what you mean, but others might not.  You probably also want to note that attached cards are discarded to the burial ground when the character they are attached to leaves play.

Change "If a character has airborne, it may attack the Major Character directly unless an opponent controls a chararcter with airborne." to "unless the defending player controls", in case you want to expand this to multi-player play.  "An opponent" could be anyone other than the attacker in multiplayer play.

I think your game will have slightly more strategy if you can choose to discard items and inspirations instead of getting "locked into" the first one you play, DJ.

Why can only events be attached to characters instead of all inspirations?

Change "Daramond is Unique. Player 1 plays Daramond. He then later plays a second copy
while one is already in play. They both are sent to the Burial Grounds." to say "while the original one he played is still in play".

Edit this sentence "A) Major Character – These are a representation of the player in the game. If these
characters are destroyed, the player then loses the game."  It reads funny - if "these are destroyed" then "the player loses".  Hmm.  It should probably be "If a player's Major character is destroyed then that player loses the game."

Verify that the rules note that you play a Recruit cost for a card in the Energy Row ONLY when it is first flipped face up.

Regarding matching icons, search for "left corner" and change all mentions to the "upper left corner".

Change this sentence and the one follow it to clarify about ranged attacks.  "Characters WITHOUT airborne may not attack characters with airborne..."  First it says they cannot attack, then it offers an exception.  Use a word like "may not NORMALLY" or say in the sentence following that "as an exception to the previous rule, character with range..."  Something like that.  Portray it as rule and exception rather than rule and contradictory rule.

You probably want to note, if you haven't already, that the game text on face down cards and cards in the burial ground is completely ignored barring an explicit note on a card to the contrary.

You want to note whether the card you get to put into play after an "Exchange" is activated comes in face down or face up.

You may or may not need information on a "stack" or order of operations in case people try to do things at the same time.  Consider this -- your defender has an ability to zap the attacking character and the attacking player has a way to zap the defending character.  What happens?  You don't have a stack or order of operations to handle people fighting to go first.  You can have a simple rule like "Last in First Out", or you can say "the player whose turn it is always decides the order of effects if they are all declared simultaneously".

You need to spell check your document.  It sounds like some of the words were misspelled -- when my text-to-speech reader read them aloud some words were garbled.

Use your find command and search for an "s" followed by a space.  That'll find most of the words ending in an "s".  Check to see if you need apostrophes in front of them.

Beyond that, my original concern still stands: the trade dress and rules look too much like magic the gathering for my comfort.  But the game is interesting -- it's like a cross between Vs. System and Magic in the way it's played.

[mangaocid]

Well, at least my goal has been met, a Magic/VS Hybrid. That was my essential goal....to use what I preffered from both systems, along with a few of my own greater ideas(the combat systems and the major character), to create what I call a MUT card game system, a large MIX of games in one.

I fixed a few issues, and added the icon for "Exchange". I don't think that I'll make an Icon for Interference however, because I'm not entirely sure what I would use at this point.....other than that, I feel pretty comfortable with the system.

What do ya think lee? I'll start design on cards this week to make some prototypes for play test.....

the floor is open

DJ

[Veritas Games]

Will the Exchange ability actually say "Exchange X" now that you have an Exchange icon?  If not, fix this.

What's the format to let you know you have to exert a card or pay a cost.  Magic uses a colon.  The Vs. System uses a "->" symbol.  You need a rules entry on cost nomenclature.

Again, regarding Unique cards, you need to either define whether this includes face down copies in the energy row (since the game text of face down cards should nominally be "out of play") or whether you only do a Unique check on face up cards.  It doesn't matter how you handle this as long as you explicitly address a face up "in play" card and a face down energy row card.

The attachment rule is insufficient.  It needs to say that cards leave play when the character they are attached to leaves play.  That's just for clarity.

The lines on your card anatomy diagram are hard to read in some places because the lines intersect in some places and are black on black.  For print, I'd go with gray, but for electronic rules, I'd use full color lines that do not intersect in any way.

[mangaocid]

Attachment rule clarified

Unique rule, was fine, but added one more line to see if that made it any better.

Exert will be signified by the word "EXERT" . I will not use a symbol, I will simply use the word itself.

Fixed the Card diagram to use red lines...figured that red is the most noticable of colors.

I think that about does it....anything else that throws anybody off?

The Floor is Open

DJ

[Veritas Games]

Did you include a section on costing nomenclature.  All you'll need is one or two sentences so that people know what:

Exert -> Add +1 to Armor

or

3: Add +1 to Strength


means

[mangaocid]

Lee, I did add information on the cost nomenclature in the form of "X : Do Something where x is the cost and "Do Something" is the ability"

It's in the rulebook right now. Double check it and let me know if it's good.

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/Mangoacid

The Floor is Open

DJ