How Do I Stop the Train and Stay Friends with the Driver?

[knicknevin]

To start with, some background: I belong to an RPG club that runs in 2 month blocks, where the members divide up and play different games for those 2 months. I'm currently in the third week of the game I'm playing in and the GM is another member who has played in several games I have run in previous blocks and usually turns in a witty and creative performance.

I have only previously played in one-off sessions where he has been GM, so these have essentially been 'fillers' using pre-published characters and adventures. I do know that other players have enjoyed his games, though I know he has stated that he 'lost control' of his games and 'they never got around to the plot'.

Now that I'm in a longer game being GMed by him, I've discovered that I just can't get along with his GM'ing style, which is intensely linear: he uses plot-outlines that describe the beginning, middle and end of the story and any deviations we attempt are quashed through lack of feedback.

To briefly give you some idea: we, as characters, have been plucked out of our normal lives by an all-powerful agency and given a mission to defend the world. Therefore, we are sent wherever they wish us to go, with specific goals to complete and they are so powerful, we have no chance to act against them or seek our freedom... even if we could break free, the world would end so game over.

In our second mission (which is when the issues here really became apparent), I had my memory of being recruited wiped when we went back in time, so I was given a past episode of my characters life that i had to play through without any of the advantages of my special agent status. This included being presented with the complete plan of what my character was doing, how and when. This episode ended just as myself and the other PC in the game were about to effect our escapes, whereupon a Deus Ex Machina NPC came along and rescued us then disappeared without us learning much more about him.

In our third mission we were stuck in a time loop which we had to go through at least 7 times before we broke out of it: I felt that myself and the other player were coming up with creative solutions but these were again quashed by the GM who just hit the reset button and took us back to the start of the loop. it was only when we finally hit on part of the solution that was written down in his outline that we were allowed to succeed.

So, my big question is, how do I open a dialogue with the GM stating my position without losing him as a friend? Bear in mind that my position can be stated as 'there is no way I am going to play a game that is run like this again if i can avoid it!' If I leave the game, it will end, since there is only 1 other player in it currently; if it the style it is run in doesn't change though, I'm going to have a pretty miserable time at my club for the rest of this block.

OK, the GM is on holiday for 1 week, so I've got two weeks from today before i am back playing this game: has anyone got any helpful, constructive suggestions for how I can about this diplomatically?

[TonyLB]

So, my big question is, how do I open a dialogue with the GM stating my position without losing him as a friend?

Okay, hard-core ass-kicking honesty time:  Is he a friend now?

Is he a person that you do things other than gaming with?  Would you invite him to be part of a group of folks all going to a movie or a ball-game?  Do you talk about each other's lives outside of gaming?

[Blankshield]

How about "Dude, I'm not having much fun with this."?

Start simple.

[xjermx]

I'm with TonyLB's approach.  How good a friend is this guy?

I've been in similar shoes, and I'd imagine most of us have been.  Alot of it depends on the nature of your relationship with this guy.  I've got a gamer buddy to who I can easily say "Hey man, I'm not digging this.  Lets figure it out/do something different etc."  while there's another guy who I just had to stop gaming with cause, well, I didnt feel like I could say "Dude, your game/play style isnt fun."

And you know, one of the defining factors is that the first guy is someone who I hang out with pretty regularly, outside of RPG gaming and such, while the other is a guy who I see/saw for gaming and only every once in a blue moon outside of that.

[Ricky Donato]

Hi, James,

Let me see if I understand the problem completely.

• I certainly understand how this can be an awkward situation. By speaking to him, you are criticizing his game. Are you worried about how he will react; maybe he'll get angry, or upset or something? That can be difficult, whether or not the GM is your friend.
• As others have asked: Is this GM your friend? Do you socialize with him outside of gaming? If he is, that makes things worse, because it's not just your weekly game that's at stake; it might affect the friendship as well.
• Are you wrorried about how the other players will be affected?
• Are you concerned that the way you handle this conflict could affect your relationship with the RPG club you're in?
• Lastly, and the reason you brought this question up: you want your fun to matter, too. And right now, it isn't, so you're sacrificing your time for someone else to have fun while you get nothing out of it.

Is all of the above correct? And did I miss anything?

[Ron Edwards]

Hiya,

Ricky, you have it backwards. What Tony and others are saying goes more like this.

1. If the guy is a real friend, then stating you're not enjoying this particular kind of play is not going to threaten the friendship. Real friends are allowed to express frustration with one another.

2. If the guy is not a real friend, but merely a guy who GMs a game in which one happens to play, then this whole discussion is only about whether to keep playing with him. Period.

There is no such thing as a friend who relies on you to keep role-playing with him, on his terms, or risk losing the friendship.

Best, Ron

[Callan S.]

I was once friends with a guy and for about a year and a bit I'd been running games. He was an opinionated man and hinted at his opinions about my games and eventually I asked for his opinions as well. I thought it was a two way street, though I'd yet to drive the other way.

So, after about a year, he runs a game, it doesn't go so well. He rings me up about something, as he was want to do from his work regularly (I was primary care giver at the time) and after hello's I say "So, the game didn't go so well last night" and a few other direct yet fairly light critiques. He got so very pissed off and even specifically said he hadn't wrung up to ask for that.

A year of his opinions but not a hint of interest in mine once finally offered. And this guy had invited me to his wedding. In my case, I decided there was a massive flaw in perception here (I think he'd gotten some mentor/student idea stuck right into his head, while I crazily enough thought of us as peers) and I made further descisions based on that.

But yeah, he'd invited me to his wedding. So you can be friends, but sometimes the very core back and forth of friendship is actually pretty lopsided and not terribly friendly. It can be quite shocking to find that out. Do you want to find out what this GM/friend is like? Or are you looking for advice on how to get out of the game without finding that out?

[Ricky Donato]

Hi, Ron,

You've misunderstood me. I'm not offering advice yet. I'm simply trying to verify what James is afraid of.

[Ron Edwards]

OK Ricky!

Well, James, you can see that we're beginning to confuse one another as we wrestle with your post, so I think it's time for you let us know what you think.

Any more posting by other people is probably going to be a dogpile, so let's back off and let James collect his thoughts, and focus the rest of the discussion.

Best, Ron

[knicknevin]

Well, as it happens, I'm more or less off the hook as the GM in question has posted to our group mailing list on the subject of linearity in RPGs and how to avoid it! Without any overt prompting from me, he's noticed the problem and is seeking adive on how to deal with it, thus restoring my faith in his abilities! All is well and i can declare this topic officially closed; thank you all, especially Ricky who was making a genuine & appreciated effort to understand the problem and help me clarify it in my own mind.