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The Forge is literally the most pretentious place ever

Started by Vladius, March 26, 2010, 02:16:44 PM

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And I want to be the first person banned from it.

It's boring, it's lame, and it perpetuates every single negative stereotype about anything and everything "INDIE" ever.

Do you know what a roleplaying game is? And why it's a game? And why you have fun with it? I know that it has absolutely nothing to do with Ron Edwards or his cronies. Most gamers will never, ever give a care that you people have spent so much time blithering about "gamism" and "simulationism" and "narrativism." Nobody cares if you have this cool new "edgy" mechanic that you're going to implement in a game, wherein characters have "FLAWS" and "VERSIMILITUDE POINTS." Nobody cares about how much you like to capitalize words to make them seem important, or if you think that you're going to spend hours of your free time making a Dadaist deconstruction of Dungeons and Dragons, or if you're going to psychoanalyze people who get together once in a while to roll some dice and have a good time.
I know that you all want to be special snowflakes who have taken the time to create something "intellectually stimulating" or "socially groundbreaking," but you're all anti-social neckbeards, so when will it happen, exactly? In a way, you're worse than metagamers, because instead of thinking about how you can break the game, you're thinking about how the game was made, why Darrel across the table needs to obey the social contract and take his elbows off the table, and why nobody has fallen in love with your in-depth roleplaying. You hold your noses so high that I can't believe your necks haven't snapped from the strain.

I grant that some people here have made good games. But they're all "INDIE" games that spend all of their resources trying to be cute as a button, and most of them will neither be bought or played. Many of them are so rules light that there's barely a reason to buy a book in the first place. Most sensible people will just crib some ideas that you toiled away to create, say "hey that's cool" and continue playing D&D, because it's more fun.

So please, get over yourselves, and quit trying to persuade people to believe in some mythical "social contract" or "Big Unifying Theory of Roleplaying Games" that will not increase anybody's fun.

Special Bonus: Example Play of a typical game someone wants to make on the Forge.

Person A: I am now making a declarative statement about the game world.
Person B: *Squinting eyes* I'm watching you. Don't try any funny business.
Person A: We live in a world where pedophiles have magic powers. Mind blown yet?
Person B: AAAGH! *Slams table*
A silence falls over the table. Person D hides in the corner, unable to assert his dominance in this collaborative, GM-less masterpiece of a game. Person C, twiddling his thumbs, decides that no one will notice if he takes a risk and draws a card. His eyes light up with excitement.
Person D: *Interrupting* Shut up, Clarence! We all know that you chose Sloth! You can only get -1 Sloth tokens! *Groans, leans back against the wall*

Person C, disappointment in his eyes, puts the card at the bottom of the pile. Rules are rules after all.

Person A: As I was saying, pedophiles have magic powers.
Person B: No, you can't do that.
Person A: Why not?
Person B: *Clearly uncomfortable, fidgets around* It uh, violates the social contract we made, remember?
Person A: That's supposed to be unspoken.
Person B: Actually, Ron Edwards defined it as the declared and undeclared boundaries that we have, so technically -
Person C: Can I draw some more cards?
Person D: No.

Person A, sheepish grin on his face, insists.

Person A: This is a mature group. We're capable of handling really deep topics here, people. If you don't want to -
Person B: I'm plenty mature! Fine! Let's give this a try... Hey Darrel, it's your turn to make a declarative statement.
Person D: All the pedophiles are dead.

A look of horror replaces Person A's happy face, wiping it off his mug like an old grognard brushing some cheeto stains.
Person A: But, but... in this new world... Can't you see the consequences of what you've done!?
Person B: *Shaking head* Darrel, this game is about unforseen consequences. It's a deconstruction of railroading in games with a GM. You won't like what happens when I use my Loquaciousness dice pool and my "Went Fishing With Dad When I Was Younger" +2 Stat if you continue with this course of action.
Person D: Bring it on. I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.
Person B: *Sighing* Darrel, what did we say about the quotes? That is also against our social contract. Just - just keep going. I don't care anymore.
Person D: No, really, why is that bad?

Person B continues to shake her head, while muttering, "tell him." Person A puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
Person A: Without pedophiles, and conversely magic, Japan will lose a large portion of its market share and go bankrupt. Popular culture in the United States will stagnate without Japanese literature and art. The children, while safer, will grow up in a country devoid of happiness and freedom. And when they grow up, they will be depressed and have bitter angst. This means that the leaders of tomorrow will be George W. Bush - times a thousand.

Person D, a plebian, stifles laughter. Person B looks up, disheartened by his lack of understanding.

Person A: I can't believe I'm going to invoke Godwin's Law, but by killing pedophiles... Hitler. You created Hitler, Darrel. You monster.
Person C: Hey guys, I'm pretty sure that's not how the world works. Can I draw some cards?
Persons A, B, and D: NO!