I played octaNe!

[Jason L Blair]

The name of the session was "Satan's Cheerleaders"--In Go-Go-Vision!

The two characters were Zeke, a Helljack cowboy/samurai whose face was always partially in shadow, and Sha'Nay, a Bad-Ass Mofo with a love of gold. Since Zeke's player opted for the UK version of the character sheet, I told him he had to speak with an English accent.

It started in a diner outside of Lost Vegas, where Sha'Nay was enjoying some discount barbecue and Zeke was drinking his coffee. Satan's Cheerleaders rumbled in with their big black car and started a ruckus. Jell-O, hell-blood, and ketchup went everywhere. Zeke, Sha'Nay, and Flo ("Ya'll want some coffee?") were the only ones left standing.

SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS: They're all big-breasted, high-booted divas with long black horns that jut toward heaven from their hugundous blonde afros.

HIGHLIGHTS: Sha'Nay trying to set a Cheerleader's hair on fire then discovering that fire makes them stronger. Zeke's very Pulp Fictionesque sword use.

TITLE CARD: TWO MONTHS LATER

Zeke is coming back to the diner after wandering the desert in search of his home. Sha'Nay is still lovin' up that B-B-Q. Coupons are attached to their bills: Ten Dollars Off Admission to THE NATIONAL CHEERLEADING CHAMPIONSHIPS.

Cut to Zeke and Sha'Nay in her cruisemobile, barreling toward The Americadome in Lost Vegas. They bust in and start shuffling through the crowd. Sha'Nay notices the Kick Ass Divas have shown up to compete. Flashing back, she recalls how she was passed over by Mofo University's notorious glee squad because she wasn't bad-ass enough.

Zeke gets a slip of paper from a mysterious capuchin that always disappears (as monkeys are prone to do). Just then, Satan’s Cheerleaders strut in all full of flame and torment, push-up bras, and pom-pom submachine guns. They’ve come to perform, and they’re dead set on winning.

There was an awesome montage sequence going on here when Sha’Nay, Zeke, and the Cheerleaders all become aware of each other’s presence. Sha’Nay starts her way to the back of the stage, Zeke heads out to the parking lot, and the Cheerleaders get ready to perform.

I can’t remember when exactly the flashback came, but Zeke starts to remember more about when he was Helljacked. Something about pom-poms…a flash of light…pink afros with horns…. “Rah, rah,” becomes Zeke’s battle mantra. The way Adam (Zeke's player) would narrow his eyes and spit out, “rah, rah” in an Aussie/Brit tongue was priceless.

Outside, Zeke and the car have a samurai face-off. A katana shoots out from its chassis, and they circle each other, sizing each other opponent up. The car’s first swipe severs Zeke’s arm, but the cowboy-samurai just sticks it back on and charges. One clean, long slice from grill to trunk, spells the end for the car.

Inside, the Kick Ass Divas have taken the stage and are in mid-performance. Sha’Nay fucks up their performance by fanning the scent of barbecue ribs onto the stage. Hey, there was heavy blaxploitation goin’ on here.

After the Divas leave the stage, Satan’s Cheerleaders take the spotlight. Just as Sha’Nay is about to jump them, they start spraying lead into the crowd. Zeke rushes back in, and starts his slice-and-dice. Problem is, all the people Satan’s Cheerleaders took down are coming back as undead Cheerleaders (complete with costume).

A big old Romero/Corman bloodbath ensues. In the end, only Zeke and Sha’Nay are standing.

EPILOGUE
Zeke is trekking up an enormous sand dune, confident he is well on his way home. As he crowns the dune, he sees in the distance... Flo's Diner: Home of the Discount BBQ.

Sha'Nay is munching down on some ribs and chicken. Flo comes out of the back, "Ya'll want a refill?"

And in the back of the diner, we see the capuchin monkey master flipping burgers, smiling. He looks at the camera and winks.

THE END(?)

[Mike Holmes]

Dude, everyone knows the national cheerleading championships are currently held, and will be held in perpituity, in Daytona.

What were you thinking?

Mike

[Valamir]

But Daytona don't exist in the high-power jet-fueled turbo-punk world of OctaNe yo.

[Jason L Blair]

Ralph is correct. Since Daytona is east of the Mighty Mississip, it is forever unknown to the world of octaNe.

[Mike Holmes]

No way man. No power in the known universe is capable of destroying the world's most popular spring-break resort. I want amnesty for Daytona!

And in any case, if Daytona was destroyed, then how come the cheerleaders are all still around? Answer me that, Mr. Blair-Shmair!

Honestly, I don't know how we let people like this play RPGs...

[Jared A. Sorensen]

Funny that the Land of Flowers should be brought up...

After GenCon 2002, I ws thinking of doing something with Florida in octaNe. The answer seemed pretty obvious to me: it's Atlantis, broken away from the mainland and now floating around (yes, around) the southern/south-eastern coast of the US.

Add a little Goth-flavored No'land Vodun, some Pirates of the Carribean-style hijinks, veiled references to Disneyland and some rusted-out jet-skis and it smells like a jolly good time.

[Mike Holmes]

Ha! See! The National Cheerleading Contest would therefore, perforce, be held in Atlantis.

That's what happens when you don't do your research!

Mike

[wyrdlyng]

Add a little Goth-flavored No'land Vodun, some Pirates of the Carribean-style hijinks, veiled references to Disneyland and some rusted-out jet-skis and it smells like a jolly good time.

Disney and the post-apocalyptic world go together like chocolate and peanut butter. The maze of tunnels and rumors of secret Disney vaults is a great means for bringing together any elements, no matter how disparate. (The image of a running firefight in "It's A Small World" is enough to send shivers down my spine.)

Sadly, images of Cannibal Retirees on waverunners maintaining their waning vitality through secret, bloody Voodoo rituals keep dancing through my head.

[Jared A. Sorensen]

Sadly, images of Cannibal Retirees on waverunners maintaining their waning vitality through secret, bloody Voodoo rituals keep dancing through my head.

Sadly?!

Re: Disney. There's actually a Howard Waldrop story about animatronic theme park mascots living after the end of the world...hmm...

[wyrdlyng]

Related tangent: There was also a good story of animatronic inhabitants of a post-nuclear world's theme park rebuilding a supervillain group in an attempt to reinhabit the world. It was in the old Justice League Europe comic from DC.