So then the clam says "Your shell or mine?"

[Steve Samson]

A woman is concerned about the small size of her breasts and asks her husband if he can think of anything she can do to make them bigger. He tells her to rub some toilet paper between them every day, because it sure worked for her ass.

[Lxndr]

http://www.rinkworks.com/jokes/ has many, many jokes.  A semi-random sampling of bad jokes:

* Two monkeys stumbled into a wall. They were plastered!

* Daniel and Ginny are walking down the street one evening. As they pass one house, they hear loud shouting and crashes inside. Peter and Elizabeth Jones live there and are having a fierce argument. At the height of the quarrel, Peter picks up a table lamp, rips it out of the wall, and hurls it at Elizabeth. Elizabeth ducks, and the lamp flies past her through the window. It sails over Daniel and Ginny's heads. Daniel looks up and exclaims, "Soft! What light through yonder window breaks!"

What's an educated hole in the wall?
A wisecrack.

Did you hear about the plumber who worked a top a skyscraper?
He plunged to his death.

A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.

-

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

[joshua neff]

My favorite joke:

Mickey Mouse & Minnie Mouse in court, getting a divorce. The judge says to Mickey, "Let me get this straight, Mr. Mouse. You say you want to divorce your wife because she's crazy?"

And Mickey says, "No, I keep telling you, she's not crazy, she's fucking Goofy!"

(And now watch the Forge get sued by Disney.)

[taalyn]

What do vegetarian zombies say?

GRRRRAAAAAAINS!

[Jason Lee]

What's black and white and won't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear in her head.

[Marhault]

A skeleton walks into a bar, and says "Give me a beer, and a mop."

Good night folks.

Happy Birthday, Forge.  Hey. . .  Is there any cake left?

[Garbanzo]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. I phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

And I still don't get it.

-Matt

[Kilor Di]

Here's one I posted on a DnD forum board once:

*A group of people are playing DnD on the floor, because they don't have a table.  About an hour into the game, one of the players rolls a d20 for no apparent reason.  He rolls a 5, curses to himself, and then goes on with the game.

30 minutes later, the same player rolls again, this time getting a 3.  He curses again, and then resumes the game.  15 minutes later, the same player rolls again, and gets a 6.

Finally, the DM asks, "Why do you keep rolling your d20?"

The player replies, "I'm rolling to see if my foot wakes up."

[Jack Aidley]

Q: What's Orange and sounds like a parrot?


A: A carrot.

[lumpley]

What's yellow and spotty and comes in a red and white can? Campbell's cream of leopard soup.

What's yellow on the outside and gray and VERY CROWDED on the inside? A school bus full of elephants.

Why are rhinocerouses so wrinkly? Because they're hard to iron!

-Vincent

[pete_darby]

What do you call a fly with no wings?

Screwed.

[taalyn]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

[Ron Edwards]

Oh God, I just re-read this thread from the beginning ...

So these three guys get caught by the cannibals, and there they are, tied to stakes on the beach, and the cannibals have a big iron cauldron over a fire, full of boiling water.

(I do not know where the island cannibals get their iron cauldrons. They do always seem to have one.)

Chief goes up to the first guy: "Do you know what we're going to do to you? We're going to kill you, skin you, eat you, and use your skin to build a canoe. But! Since you fought us so bravely, we'll give you the choice to commit suicide, rather than dying under torture. What do you say?"

Guy says, "Give me a knife!" They do. He says, "I regret I have but one life to give for my country," (or some such twaddle, replace as you see fit) and cuts his own throat.

[repeat all of the above for the second guy, with different last words.] [Optional: assign the three guys suitable nationalities/ethnicities, as you see fit; I've heard it with many different combinations]

Chief goes up to the third guy, all proceeds as with the first two, until the guy replies, "Give me a fork!" (cannibals look puzzled, give him a fork)

He stabs himself all over the chest and says, "Fuck your canoe!"

Best,
Ron

[xenopulse]

My kids' favorite:

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Says the larger one of them: "Hey, didcha know that theresh a current of wind along the building, so if you fall, it slowsh you down and you land shafely?"

The other guy does not believe it. So guy one jumps out of the window and lo and behold, his fall slows down, and he lands safely.

The other guy is impressed. He jumps. He splatters all over the street.

The first guy orders another whiskey.

Says the bartender: "Shit, you're quite an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

[Andrew Cooper]

Why doesn't a Rooster wear underwear?

Cause his pecker's on his head.