Snyder Has No Cell Phone

[Thunder_God]

Hrumph.  Using a cell phone to meet the challenge of picking up the right brand of personal products is cheating.

Julie

Only in a gamist relationship.

That's also my reply about, "Is your mother Gamist/Narrativist/Simulationist?" She is what she believes will let her win. We're Polish Jews, what you say about Jewish grandmothers we say about Polish grandmothers, I have two Polish Jewish grandmothers.
Woody Allen has nothing on my grandmothers.

[droog]

Can any of you trendoids explain exactly why you need a mobile phone? Apart from trying to be cool and all that?

[Thunder_God]

Till I finished High School I only used my cell phone about 5 minutes a month, now in the army I use it a lot more.

These days I use it to contact other medics, be available when they don't find the morphine(truly sad), etc...

[Thor Olavsrud]

Can any of you trendoids explain exactly why you need a mobile phone? Apart from trying to be cool and all that?

How else do you make phone calls, take pictures, and keep your calendar in the future?

In my world, there are no wires. Who needs a phone jack?

[Josh Roby]

Can any of you trendoids explain exactly why you need a mobile phone? Apart from trying to be cool and all that?

Because I spend four hours a day in my car or running around a largish corporate campus, and the ability to call other people or send myself text-message emails or put things on my calendar when I'm not sitting next to a computer and/or phone is... well, absolutely essential to the way I live my entire life.

[Ron Edwards]

My wife bugged me to get one for some years. I balked.

We were in Sweden last July. She is native Swedish and can speak that foreign talk they use there. In my presence, she exploited this ability to make me buy a cell phone. Fellow husbands will understand; the rest of you can bask in your blissful ignorance.

The phone's instructions were unaccountably also written in Swedish, baffling my efforts to use it beyond one or two calls; it was not clear, for instance, how to turn it on or off. Also, it needed a new brain or pancreas or something upon returning to the U.S. My wife suggested I download English instructions from the website and purchase the U.S. version of the missing organ. I balked.

Then I went to Berlin last December. This involved much Adept Press type business negotiation and much unpredictable socializing, which means assumptions regarding me + cell phone. I had to call folks and triangulate and negotiate, while zooming on the U-Bahn or gawking at the Wall. My wife had, originally, suggested that I'd need a phone which could function in Europe, back during the original purchase. I could feel her gentle smile across the Atlantic, thank you very much.

So there in Berlin, I discovered that my Swedish-innards cell phone forced everyone to make long-distance calls, which is No Good, so again, in Berlin, where you can buy anything you want and the people are very awesome, I was able to effect an organ transplant on my phone. Thus it served its purpose in life. I learned to work more than a couple of buttons on its surface and even learned about recharging (i.e. feeding) it.

Upon returning to the States, and having obviously suffered brain damage due to alien radiation from the phone and hence convinced I still needed it, I then found the proper body-chop shop for phones and purchased, at long last, American innards for the thing. Hence now I use it with fear and trepidation, and have even bothered Luke or Clinton on occasion because I was bored on the train.

And yes, the whole phone/relationship thing has begun. I still keep it turned off almost all the time. I can stop any time I want to. Beware, youngsters, beware. It seems like just plain fun at first, then you do it harder each time, and more often. You can tell yourself you're just taking care of it, because it needs you, but really you need it. It's a road to perdition. It's just like that story by Ray Bradbury, which affected me profoundly as a child but whose salutary message has finally been overcome by wife-rays, phone brain-rays, and all you fuckers out there who have them too.

A tragic tale, Ron

[talysman]

Every once in a while, I buy a cellphone, then let it lapse. I have two dead cellphones lying around. I should have three, but I can't figure out where the third is. That was the good one, because it had a pay-as-you-go plan. You eurons don't realize that in Soviet America, cell phone company purchases YOU, and most cell phone plans are not pay-as-you-go or even remotely moral. Pay-as-you-go is a very new thing in America.

The problem I have had with cell phones is that I just don't use phones in general that much, so cell phones don't seem like that great of an investment. Also, I'm never sure where to put it. It doesn't seem right in my pants pocket. I had that problem with a PDA, too.

Also, I hate being interrupted.

[greyorm]

In my presence, she exploited this ability to make me buy a cell phone. Fellow husbands will understand; the rest of you can bask in your blissful ignorance.

Indeed. I know the look on your face, Ron, I can imagine it perfectly as the same look on my face when Jen bought us cell phones while I was saying, "But...do we really need them?" and various strangled sounds as all my attempts at reason were smoothly disassembled. Cue expressive sigh of rueful surrender.

Then I found how damn useful it was just to stay in touch: "Hey. Where are you, you said you were going to be home an hour ago? The children have taken over and I don't know what they're doing to the cat. Help me! Come home now!" Or more typically, "What did you say you wanted me to get at the store again? This brand? OH. Ok, good thing I called you." Saves me trips back to the store and/or sad sighs when I have purchased the wrong product.

Also, when you are regularly driving an hour to work and the same back through miles of utterly deserted wilderness during the middle of a Minnesota winter, it is an absolutely wonderful item to have on hand should anything go wrong...like your radiator blowing out on you. "Hi, client? I won't be able to make it today. Can we reschedule? What? No, my car is currently on the side of the road due a bit of an accident. There's smoke coming from it. No, I'll be fine; calling a tow. Tomorrow? Sounds good, I will see you then." and then "Jen? Get the phone book and find the number for the tow for me, please." Actually, I would say it is essential in that situation, especially given that we typically have winters of 40-below, and you don't want to be stuck out in that for too long.

It is also incredibly useful when you have four children, three of them are in school, and one of them has serious problems that between occasionally-and-regularly require you to get to the school immediately to either take them home or help the teachers deal with the problem by talking your insane monkey down from the desktops.

Though it has become less useful now that I am no longer in school myself, nor running my tech consulting business, since I'm usually either at home or at work and can be easily reached via a land line. But since we don't have long distance on our landline, I now use mine to call parents and (recently) friends. It has actually been cheaper for me than paying long distance charges, but I don't use it all that often. Mainly, I use it to schedule appointments, keep track of phone numbers and similar junk, set alarms when I nap before midnight shifts, and that sort of thing.

[jburneko]

A tragic tale, Ron

Oh, dear god, this does not bode well for me.  I am in phase one (wife forces one upon me) of this story.  Is there no hope?

Jesse

[HMT]

What's a cell phone?

[greyorm]

Oh, dear god, this does not bode well for me.  I am in phase one (wife forces one upon me) of this story. Is there no hope?

Our entirely-not-premature condolences.

[Bankuei]

No wife, no cell phone.  I will savor the freedom while it lasts.

[Luke]

and have even bothered Luke or Clinton on occasion because I was bored on the train.

::choke::

On occasion? Try every day, like clockwork.

But you know what? It's like I've got my own personal Ron Edwards calling me personally to say, "Hey fuckwad, do shit! Think shit!"

Wait. It's not "like that." It is that.

And I love it.

Anyway, to stay on topic, I too witnessed Snyder's lack of cell phone. He tried to be all Iowan about it. We just shrugged. At this point in NYC, you need a cell phone like you need sneakers: Just to get around comfortably.

Hey Snyder, what happens if there's a big scheduling snafu or something while you're out to dinner or something tomorrow, huh? Huh? How you gonna be a good organizer? Huh?! Huh?!

-L

[drozdal]

Can any of you trendoids explain exactly why you need a mobile phone? Apart from trying to be cool and all that?

Yesterday I did my laundry and after all the clothes were removed I found my cellphone lying at the bottom of washing machine all wet and smelling like TIDE. I thought that I'm finally free from cell opression, but after some time i plugged it in and the blasted thing worked. Screen is a bit foggy, but shit works just fine. Here's my point - You need cellphone to remind Yourself that after all those years spent on this planet You didin't really learnt a thing (i would learn my lesson, but as i said phone works fine so i'm like whatever).

[talysman]

Yesterday I did my laundry and after all the clothes were removed I found my cellphone lying at the bottom of washing machine all wet and smelling like TIDE. I thought that I'm finally free from cell opression, but after some time i plugged it in and the blasted thing worked. Screen is a bit foggy, but shit works just fine.

I want to thank you for this story. I've been trying to write lyrics for a song named "When You Lose The Cell You Love" (ok, the *second* song with that title) and couldn't think of anything beyond the first verse. This gives me an idea for at least one more verse.